Lucky 7?
August 28, 2006
I hoped my first post of the week would not revolve around my relationship, but it is going to. Damn it.
This weekend, Batgirl and I celebrated seven months together. Pretty impressive stretch for us both. My previous high was the 5-month LDR of last summer & fall, while hers was 6 months (post divorce, of course) that ended last spring. I hadn't cooked her a nice dinner in a couple of months and thought it would good to whip up the dinner I made for our Valentine's Day: raspberry chicken, coconut rice and string beans marinated in red wine vinegar and Italian seasoning.
She looked great when she opened the door. She wore one of those "peasant" shirts that kind of fell of the shoulder. I'd never seen her in that before. Her hair was down, and she had a little bit of makeup. It was the first time all week we'd seen each other since dinner at her parents' Monday night. We hugged, we kissed, she told me she missed me.In a way, I missed her too, even though I was quite busy with my meetings at the end of the week.
I went right to work on the meal, and within a couple of hours, we were sitting down, ready to enjoy. In the meantime, we passed the cooking time by sipping some chocolate martinis (one each). I didn't quite like it, but she finished hers...and that turned into a bad thing. On a day where she did a walk of 16 miles with a charity group, no nap, and not a lot to eat, the booze hit her. Hard.
In one of the strangest conversation changes of all time, our romantic meal celebrating 7 months of bliss turned into an ugly fight. It started with me talking about my goofy, but lovable buddy, The Attorney, and how his parents had always taken care of him and were now regretting how much he was coddled until his late 20's. That's when it all changed when she said,"You know, in a lot of ways, you and him are very much the same."
I chuckled and asked her to elaborate. With the effects of the alcohol rather obvious even before she poured a glass of merlot, Batgirl contracted a case of diarrhea of the mouth. She went on to say how my mom is pressuring me into taking a "family vacation" to the Mediterranean next June (which will take up half of my vacation time in 2007), how my father and brother are pushing forward with raising the roof on the house I own with my brother even though I'm not 100% behind it due to finanical reasons, and how I allowed my brother to go ahead and get a dog even though I didn't think it was a good idea due to our schedules.
I took offense to it (perhaps a little too much since I had worked up a healthy buzz) and lashed back saying she has no idea what the fuck she's talking about. I pointed out how from the time I got out of college I've battled to get myself to be financially independant, and I never seek any financial aid from my parents, or ask of favors. She went on to talk about how at Nern's wedding, my dad inquired as to when she'd buy a house (she considered it earlier this summer but her decision was met with a lot of resistance by her folks), and how she now feels pressured to go on this trip next June by mom--and who knows where our relationship will be then.
"What is that your parents expect of me? What is it that YOU want?" she sobbed.
It was right there where I began to wonder if this conversation was going in the direction of Where do you see this relationship headed-dom. When you look into someone's eyes, you cna sometimes start reading between the lines, and the look I saw seemed to be one of hope for an answer. So I offered I what I want for myself: "I want a job that pays me well, that I enjoy, and a family of my own."
I awaited the next question or comment. In my head I was picturing her asking if she was the woman who I'd start that family with. It didn't come. I asked her if there is something she is expecting of me, something I need to do more or less of. She never gave me a clear answer on that one.
I was growing more and more outraged. I kept myself in check for as much as I could. All this was coming from a 33-year-old woman who is on the phone with her mom daily, is at her parents' house every night after work just about, and who doesn't have a best friend close to her own age except for her sister. While I don't frown upon how close she is with her family, this topic of how many directions my friends pull me in in addition to the family started up again.
It began getting pretty ugly at this point. I kept wondering aloud just how in the hell this night went in such a bad direction. I wanted to know how a couple months ago she wrote me a card, telling me she no longer waits for the other shoe to drop, but suddenly she does. She finally admitted to me she is a jealous person. She told me I'm one of the most beautiful people she's ever met and she is afraid people outside of us are going to try to sabotage what we have. Whether it's my friends, their girlfriends (she still isn't over the ass-grabbing incident involving Vegas' girl back in early July), or strangers, she fears someone attempting to ruin us. I explained to her that acting fucked up like this is not a way to keep me in her life. The battle to share me with my friends is not going to be one where she gets 90% of my time, and they get 5% and my family gets the other 5%. Then, I fired the A-bomb in anger...
"If this is how you are thinking, then you need to see someone and get some help! I know your past..."
She cut me off and stormed out of the dining room. In her opinion, she is not someone who doesn't know herself, and is not the one who needs help. I now couldn't picture myself staying around her apartment much longer. The girl was obviously overtired, drunk, and now upset. Somehow, though, she finally let me lay it all out on the line and set her straight. As I calmy explained myself and how I felt, I saw her ease off the pedeal and begin to understand the way she was acting was silly. It was strange. The next thing I knew, she was on my lap, and then we were having some of the hottest sex we've had in months. Go figure.
Sunday, she apologized for the evening now once but twice. She even gave me the card she wrote up before the drinking began the night before, where she wrote this has been the best 7 months of her life and I've become someone she can count on. The first apology came in the morning after we finally got out of bed after more sex, and the second was in the evening before I left. That second apology was so sincere as she broke down into tears. The events of the night before brough a great since of guilt over her, and it ate at her all day. "You're the last person I'd ever want to hurt, and I did. I'm so sorry," she cried as I held her to my shoulder.
Wow. I know there is a lot to absorb here, especially for myself. I know, without a doubt, I love this woman a great deal. However, the events of Saturday night trouble me because I'm someone who doesn't subscribe to the motto It's the whiskey talking; No. I say,"It's the whiskey allowing me to talk freely."
She brought up a good point about the being strong-armed by the parents and brother, and my willingness to give people the benefit of the doubt a little too often. I think when it comes time to decide on what to do with the house I own with my brother, I'm going to stand firm on what I want to have done. I'm not looking at living here long term, and while he says he wants to add a second floor to raise value, it's also going to suck additional money out of our wallets--and time out of our lives to do the work. I know I'm 30 now, but I'm just not willing to do a mass project on a place I'm don't see myself in 3 years from now. On this topic, Batgirl has given me food for thought.
The most troubling thing for me though, is this continuous issue over sharing me with my friends, and taking part in group activities with her by my side. What she doesn't seem to understand is that my friends all think the world of her, and have gone as far as saying she is the girl they like the best among the past failures. Their girlfriends have complimented her, even though I know the two parties haven't made a genuine effort to get to know each other (typical chicks being catty). They all are happy for us both, and hope I've found the type of love that's evaded me. This was something I really drove home Saturday night with a lot of force behind it. Last time this came up, I was much more calm and less convincing.
I realize this post has villified her. She does deserve to be ripped for temporarily dampering our anniversary, and I'll admit that tonight when I talked to her I had some discomfort. It's hard to just forget. I'll probably bring this up again when I can put together a less blunt way of experessing myself. Things is, I have another bachelor party tentatively scheduled for three weeks from this weekend for my friend Gian, and it will take up a Saturday night. There will not be a strip club visit (the bachelor isn't even big on having a party), so at least there's one thing not to deal with. After that weekend, however, I have Gian's wedding (she's coming), and then my other friend Tall Paul's surprise 30th. I've already told her she can sit that one out due to the travel over 3 hours one way both weekends, and she may have a lot of work to go over by then with school starting up again. Something tells me this talk is going to have to come up yet again.
That next time...that next time will be the last time, too. After that, we're going to have to really examine what it is we are looking for. I really do hope it won't have to come down to that for I fear what the future will hold for Us.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 8:34 PM,
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How That 30's Guys Can't Get His Groove Back
August 23, 2006
I have to admit. Since resurrecting my blogging past time, I've found it difficult to get into a writing groove. Granted, when an issue that is overwhleming my daily thoughts comes up, I'm posting about it, but doing it daily seems to be tougher than it was before I took my last blog down back in May.
I loved doing that blog. I had built an audience. It was energizing me. To go from nothing to hundreds of readers in a day was pretty gratifying. The theme of it was me, all the way. Now, in this version, it's been hard to get motivated to write for some strange reason. Maybe because I've really begun to change? Who knows. What I do knonw is when you aren't posting daily, and keeping it interesting, it's hard to draw in readers. However, I think the time I am spending in front of a computer all day is really catching up to me.
All this said, do not think I'm pulling down the blog. I'm dedicated to keeping it up. Problem right now is mainly time contstraints. In the last job I had, I had some level of privacy at my cubicle to type up a post on my lunch hour. In the new job, my desk is out in the open, and there's no way in hell I want anyone to have a clue I have a blog. I've only been there a month and a lot of people still don't know my name! I don't want to be known as "Blog Boy"! Beyond that, coming home and typing posts after a spending so much time at a desk in front of a computer all day doesn't really appeal much. I wish I could explain the difference between this job and the last one in that regard. They both were done the same.
So, I apologize again because I won't be posting anything for the next couple of days. I have a company meeting about 2 hours away tomorrow, and it goes into Friday so I am staying overnight. Since I have to be up at the asscrack of dawn tomorrow, I'm making this a quick post and getting to bed. It's too bad, too, because there is so much I think I can write about once I start.
Beginning next week, I think I'll finally be able to sit down and get in a groove. Some things I want to hit upon: the collapse of the Red Sox (which is comical, yet disgusting at the same time); how Manny Ramirez continues to justify my hate for him; fantasy football talk, which seems more like a kids' game, but a lot of 30+ year old guys like me love doing it; actual NFL football as we are two weeks away; love & marriage, after my friend's wedding last weekend and the approach of me and Batgirl's 7-month anniversary this weekend.
Fear not friends. I'm going to get it back. Just like any good ballplayer, I'm bound to come out of the slump. Even the best of them can get distracted from off-the-field developments.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 9:34 PM,
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...And Exhale
August 21, 2006
The busy summer is finally coming to a close. The long awaited wedding of Nern and his longtime girlfriend, Angel, is now history. The rehearsal, the rehearsal dinner, the ceremony, the pictures, the reception, Batgirl's birthday; it all is over. Tonight, I had dinner with Batgirl and her family as the last part of her birthday celebration. It's after 10pm so I unfortunately don't have time to get into much because I am BUSHED!
Some quick hits to get you by into Tuesday:
- No, the boys and I did not hit the strip club Thursday night. We just all met up at a local bar and closed the place. I wish I could have stayed out with them longer, but unfortunately I was the only one who really had to work Friday. The rest of them were off and played golf with Nern prior to the rehearsal. It was great to see Capt. Paul again. He actually looks to be in the best shape of his life. I guess time in Iraq has paid off. He actually has six-pack abs again! You could genuinely sense how relieved he was to be home, surrounded by friends, throwing back some brewskis . Before we know it, it's going to be the 28th and he'll be gone again, so I must make sure I can get a few more days with him in.
- The ceremony was great. I actually got a little choked up when I saw Angel come down the aisle and have hers and Nern's hands joined by her dad. For as much as she isn't looked at favorably by my girlfriend, or my best friend Ren's wife, I've always been fond of her amd am happy my boy has found his "One."
- The reception did not get as out of hand as I thought, but the festive feeling filled the air. Prior to their introduction to the crowd, and after the wedding party had been introduced, they played a slideshow in tribute to their friends and family, and memories shared with the couple. One of the true highlights of the slide show was the shot towards the end of Nern, Master K, The Attorney, and Mink surrounding NFL great Mike Ditka at his restaurant in Chicago from two winters ago. That elicited a roar and a round of applause from the crowd.
- Batgirl looked so beautiful and elegant on both Friday night for the wedding she was in, and for Nern's wedding Saturday. She wore red both days, a coincidence as a bridesmaid, and no coincidence for the next day. She knows I love red, and she looks hot in it.
- She loved the gifts. I can sense she was touched I remembered what her favorite movies was, especially since we hadn't discussed that since our early days dating.
- I am officially kicking dirt on my Boston Red Sox. Fuck the Yankees.
Only 20 more days until the start of Giants football.
More to come this week...
posted by That 30's Guy @ 10:16 PM,
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Stretch Run of a Busy Month
August 17, 2006
I can see the finish line, but it's so far away.
August is going down as a very draining month, both physically and mentally. Things at the new job are very hectic this week, and it figures that it HAD to be this week as I try to get everything I need done before my friend's wedding weekend. Starting tonight, I'm going to be heading out with the guys as we celebrate Nern's 2nd to last night as a single man. To make this an even more special occasion, our government decided to grant our pal, Capt. Paul, a coincidental 2-week leave from Iraq at the time of this wedding. He got home safely Tuesday night, and he's raring to go with guys. I fear the night will take us to yet another strip club (the Capt is a huuuge fan of gentlemen's clubs), and I'm not going to argue with a guy who's seen nothing but sand, guns, and dudes in camouflage since January. Shhh. We won't tell Bat Girl (I know--I'm going to get grief from the female readership for that statement).
Tommorrow, I get out of work (hopefully) by 2:30pm, hurry home and change for the 5pm rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner. Meanwhile, Batgirl is at her friend's wedding and has the reception starting around 6pm. I am going to try like heck to get there by 9:30pm because she's one of the few who is showing up dateless. Thankfully, the wedding changed from being non-alcoholic to cash bar, so she's not dreading the reception as much as she was. Then, we go home, get some sleep (or--maybe not heh heh), get up, I clean up and she drives me to Nern's place to get into my tux and the groom's party gets picked up at 1pm Saturday to go to the church. Then the fun begins. Whew!
Last night I purchased a wine rack for the bride and groom online, which features a plaque made of marble commemorating their wedding, some artwork, their names, and the date painted on. It won't arrive to them for another 3 weeks, but I liked the gift too much to pass it up. On top of that gift, which I only spent $76.00 for, I have Batgirl's birthday sharing the same day as the wedding. For her, I bought her a DVD/VCR combo to go with her kickass 41" Hi-def plasma TV. Yes, folks--the girl does not have a DVD player to go with that sweet set. Furthermore, I got her two DVD's to go with it: Dead Poets Society (her favorite flick), and that supreme chick flick over all chick flicks, The Notebook.
I really don't feel like I'm doing enough for her birthday, especially after the phenomonal effort she put forth on my party, but with this wedding (which I'm in, so I am renting a tux for over $100 bucks), I'm spending a combined $300.00-plus. I'm thinking of cooking her a nice meal at her place Sunday,then give her a massage and fixi her a bubble bath...which I will joyfully jump into. I hear you girls like that shit.
No matter what I do though, I don't think it's enough. I know this ain't a competition, but I'm so grateful for the job she did on the party that I just can't settle on an idea. Beyond that, I still feel like I'm cheaping-out on the wedding gift too. Afterall, I'm in the wedding party, and I've put down less than $100 bucks!
I'll tell you what: I simply can't wait to wake up on Sunday and know that I have nothing going on for at least two weeks. Labor Day weekend...who knows. All I know is, next week I can get back to normal and concentrate on other things like the blog, fantasy football, baseball, golf, and the forthcoming NFL season where my Giants are going to make a Super Bowl run.
Have a good weekend everyone!
posted by That 30's Guy @ 8:04 PM,
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Talkin' It Out
August 15, 2006
Wow. I've been a pretty lousy blogger in terms of the updates. However, you can't say the material isn't interesting once I get it up there.
Keeping true to the current storyline of interest, this weekend was a positive step forward for Batgirl and I after the week we went through. While she continues to show virtually no interest in getting to know the guys' girlfriends, I'm finally beginning to understand why she is the way she is.
Very late Saturday night, after a wonderful night out on the town together, we were laying in bed. Of course, I was feeling a bit frisky, but in the back of my mind was her proclamation last Sunday night that due to my strip club visit, she'd have a hard time being intimate with me. Her reason, though foolish, was simply she wasn't sure if my mind was on her and us, and not some buxom blond who smothered my face with her D-cups. I decided to hold back, but all the while I could sense her uneasiness. I knew something was on her mind. After I told her that I don't always expect to get sex when we're in bed, she told me emotionally she just couldn't get into it. I then challenged her to tell me what was on her mind.
The flood gates opened and for the next couple of hours, we talked about everything. Our past relationships, what happened in her marriage, why it failed, what the issue is with her interacting with my group of friends, our childhoods and what made us the way we are; a lot got put on the table. The talk about how her divorce happened was at my insistance. I wanted to know what went wrong and what is causing her to overreact and start thinking the other shoe is going to drop when not long ago, she wrote me a card telling me she doesn't have that feeling with me.
Out of respect to my girlfriend and our relationship, I won't get into many details. What I will say is that my many activities with, and importance of, friends in my life had begun to serve as a stark reminder of her ex. His friends took over his life, and she was always second-fiddle. Then he cheated on her. What prompted her feelings to finally rise to the top was the fact that Friday night and all day Saturday I was with my friends for our annual fantasy football draft. Then, we have my friend's wedding this weekend, and in September we have another wedding and a surprise 30th birthday party out of state. Both involve college friends of mine. She was seeing how large a group of close friends I have, as compared to her just one, that being her sister. She made the mistake of following in her mom's footsteps and keeping her social circle to a minimum. Now, in her 30's, she's paying for it.
I decided to put it to her straight. I explained to her that I always promised myself that I would not, under any circumstances, let a woman take over my life and push out the people who've always stood behind me. I told her that these are the people who've grown with me, gone through good times and bad, and are people who are very happy for me that I found her. I told her that she should value the fact I have a place in the hearts and lives of so many people, and it should at least tell her about the kind of man she's with. I also said she should try letting these people in because they are more than willing to accept her into our group. I then asked her if she ever went to therapy to deal with the effects of the divorce. The answer I got was yes, however it was made clear that it was really more marriage counselling. I eluded to the fact that perhaps she should have talked with someone in order to clean up the damage the break up had done on her psyche.
Now--I know a lot of you are going to say hyopcrite after my post last Thursday. Fact of the matter is, the early part of this discussion led me to say,"Yeah--this girl needs to sort a lot of shit out." Ultimately, we were able to open up and lay everything out for the first time in our 6 1/2 months together. She pointed out to me on our drive home how we never really discussed our previous dating experiences, and mainly our sexual history. This was what got the ball rolling for the long talk later on in the night, and I give her kudos for stepping up to the plate with it.
By the time all the talking was over, it was about 3am, and we were really tired, but both of us felt we had a better understanding of how the other thinks. I admit that perhaps I'm too accustomed to the single life, and I need to start considering that I'm with someone who may have plans for us on days events are happening. I'm just so used to being able to make it to everything, and she understands that now. At the same time, I told her that it means a lot to me for her to share in important events in the timeline of my friendships. I explained that staying away from my friends and their significant others, like she did Saturday at my draft (we had a BBQ with the girls afterward), is never going to make getting together with them when we need to any easier. She agreed.
This weekend, she promised to not penalize the other girls in the group all because she doesn't care for one (Master K's girlfriend Shep--who she's only been around twice). The wedding will be an all day affair, and because I'm in it, she will have no choice but to be with the dates. I told her I can't worry about her while I'm participating, and not just on this day but in any function we attend. I assured her if she is just herself, and she gives people a chance, I know she'll be fine. It's also her birthday the day of this wedding, and I will do everything I can to let everyone know so they can pass on their well wishes to her. The more welcome she can feel, the better the day will be for both of us.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 9:20 PM,
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If You're Horny For Amy Lawrence...
August 13, 2006
For all the little pervs who spend their night seeking out a photo of ESPN Radio's Amy Lawrence to get their rocks off but keep ending up on my blog, I present without further adieu, the one and only...
(ugh) AMY !!!!
As you can see from the photo, she's got a face for radio.
I guess this post I did a couple of weekends ago, ripping her for not knowing what the fuck she's talking about, has driven quite a few horny sports geeks to So...This is My 30's? courtesy of Google.
If you boys (and select ladies) are seeking some "spank bank" material, I strongly recommend going to Gorillamask.net and stop wasting your time with Amy. Her voice is annoying, her laugh is awful, and her views on sports just hurt my ears.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 11:13 PM,
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Therapy Not Always The Answer
August 10, 2006
Wow. I'm pretty stunned from the amount of feedback on Monday night's post. Not just because of the amount of comments, but the near unanimous outcry that Batgirl needs to lay down on a couch and get help.
I couldn't disagree with you more.
It took until today for a voice to emerge that made sense. Sandra Dee hit the nail right on the head. Just because my girlfriend has a huge issue with my going to a strip club, she should get some counselling? There are plenty of women out there who I am sure would be fuming over their boyfriends going to a strip club. Eventually, they get over it--just like Batgirl has.
Ever since Monday night, she has pretty much put the issue behind us. Granted, she was getting pretty emotional on Tuesday when we spoke about other things, but a long talk with my good friend Jess helped me put things in perspective. This summer has been a nutty one, and a lot of stuff has gone down as our relationship has intensified. Meeting tons of people over the course of a few weeks & not feeling like she fit in, dissatisfaction with her apartment and the crummy neighborhood she lives in, planning my birthday party and her friend's bridal shower (a wedding she's in that has made her absolutely miserable to be a part of), her 33rd birthday next Saturday, her sister's pregnancy, her younger brother getting married, another wedding next weekend, her aunt being diagnosed with cancer in a lot of places (namely her brain), being relied on by her mom to be the support system because of her aunt's sickness...then me going to a strip club as the cherry on top.
I don't know about you, but as I glance back up at that last paragraph, that's an awful lot of ingredients to throw in the cake. Some people handle an avalanche of bullshit well, others don't. Take me for example: last summer while laying in bed with my long distance ex, I broke down into tears like a little sissy boy. I was going home that day, unsure when I'd see her again. I hated my job, and the stress from it was immense; I couldn't find new work. The summer was ending, and I had done little to enjoy it. I was coping with the realization that I was really in love with someone for the first time in my life. It all came crashing down on me, and I teared up not just that morning, but in the afternoon while taking a shower, when I was packing, then finally at the airport as I walked away from her. Dude--if I was seeing this from the outside I'd recommend therapy for myself!
Reality is, I didn't need it. I just had to suck it up and deal with it. That's what Batgirl is going to do. I told her that everyone goes through some periods like this, and she just needs to deal with it as best she can and not let it consume her. I know she's bummed that the summer is ending and she'll be going back to work soon, and we've spent little time down at the beaches. It's an area of the state we both love, but never seem to make the time because we've been so consumed with committments for other people. I asked her what she'd like to do before the end of the month, and we're going to go down to the beach on Sunday for a picnic and some peace and quiet. Just her and me. Next Sunday, I'm thinking of going on an excursion to an island off the coast of our state as part of her birthday.
As for the issue of her not being able to get along with "the other girls," I'm beginning to see why she feels like she does around them. My best friend Ren's wife has been treated the same way by Angel & Shep (namely), and she went on a rant of compassion for what Batgirl's been through when i mentioed the issue to her. I'm still hesistant to introduce the two women, but I am now beginning to think they may hit it off since they have this in common. Plus, for some reason you women are just too fucking catty when it comes to newcomers. While I think Batgirl is in dire need of friends her own age and outside her immediate family, she's not exactly in many situations that allow that to happen (she works with a lot women in their 40's and 50's). Sure, I think she is a bit insecure, but I am too. A little. If I didn't have her, I doubt my dating life would be all that exciting because I always have had trouble meeting women. We're peas in a pod.
I'm going to see how she is once we get past next weekend before I feel strongly about her needing help. This weekend I'm tied of until Saturday night as my pals and I do our annual fantasy football draft. Next week, we have to deal with two weddings, one on Friday night, and the other on Saturday, and one of us is in either. I can't make the Friday night wedding until the last hour or so of the reception due to my rehearsal and rehearsal dinner committments, but I know it would mean a lot to her if I showed up at some point. Then we can finally exhale.
Oh, and I did the therapy thing once when I was 17 and going into my final months of high school and the whole summer before college. It didn't change who I was. Only time & experience did.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 7:57 PM,
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Hitting the Strip Club: Is That So Wrong?
August 08, 2006
"The women who don't want their husbands to go to them have security issues. I bet Batgirl wouldn't want you to go to a strip club" - Peachy, 08.06.06 - 4:12 pm
Peachy, you wagered correctly. Unfortunately, the only prize you get is a post from yours truly.
Nearly half a day after my post about the Saturday night bachelor party, the visit to the strip club for my friend's bachelor party caused serious tension in my relationship.
It all started at my parents' house. They threw me a second 30'th birthday party since they were away on the real occasion. most of my family who lives here locally was present, and even Batgirl's parents were invited. They held up very well since my mom's family is rather large. They seemed to enjoy themselves a great deal. What should have been a happy way to end my weekend only precipitated the argument.
While eating dinner, Batgirl's dad inquired into how the bachelor party was. I went on to tell him about the golf tournament, and the dinner at the bar that followed. I never eluded to any other activitities of the night. However, either her dad or mine made the crack about checking my wallet to see if there were a bunch of ones (there were). A lump went up into my throat. Never once all day did Batgirl ask if we hit a nudie, but now I was sure she would.
The party went on for a few hours more, and I didn't get a sense of anything being wrong. I actually forgot the joke was made, until somebody made a crack about it again on the way out the door. Needless to say, the ride to Batgirl's was not a warm once. the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
When we pulled up to her place, we said goodnight, and she did her best to hide her inner debate. I wasn't fooled. I pried and pried, and finally, she walked back up to the car, leaned in and asked point blank: did you got to a strip club last night?
For a millisecond I wanted to say no, but this is my girlfriend, and I love her. I looked her dead in the eye:
Yes. I did.
She was angry. She didn't want to talk about it. She wanted to be alone. As she walked away from the car, I hollered out to her,"But (Batgirl), I love you!"
I knew this was going to be a long night to myself. I decided to try to blow it off, read the book on the Red Sox I just bought, Feeding the Monster by Seth Mnookin. In no time, I got sleepy and passed out. The phone rang around 11pm. It was Batgirl.
"I called to tell you I love you," she said.
The talk began. It went on for a good 1/2 hour. I heard how she didn't understand the need for anyone to go into a place like that, what my need was to go in there. She couldn't understand how I could easily erase those images of what I saw out of my head so easily, and that she will have a difficult time being comfortable with me in the bedroom the next time we're together.
My responses were basically alot of what I posted on this blog Sunday AM. I explained to her that this was a bachelor party. This is something that goes on with them from time to time. I assured her nothing happened, and that many of the guys I was with were married or in serious relationships, and none of us would do anything to deliberately disrespect out relationships. I went on to tell her that I am very much attracted to her, and above all, I love her for who she is. We both reiterated how much this relationship means to us, and I expressed my regret for doing something that put a strain on it. I did go on to say, I am not perfect. I also explained that people have liberal views about certain things, and are conservative about others, and that seems to be the situation between us.
I then went on to tell her that she needs to start looking at the present and who she is with, and stop comparing me to the dirtbags of her past (like her ex-husband who cheated on her). I warned her that if she doesn't start letting go of the past and stop allowing it to affect the present, she'll only make things hard for both of us.
I felt like things were smoothed over, and we even had a couple laughs before hanging up. I went through my day today not worrying about it, even playing 9 holes with my cousin and our co-worker with a clear head. I got home, and called her. No answer so I left a voicemail. Over an hour later she called back, and I could sense the tension all over again. I was doing all the talking, just like in the car on the way home Sunday night. I called her on it.
Around and around we went again. This time, she had a whole day to let the whole thing marinate, and she said she was no longer accepting the "boys will be boys" explanation. She considers going to a strip club to be a "selfish act." When she was done, I sat in silence. There was nothing I could say or do to change what I did, nor convince her that going to a strip club is okay because--to some people it just isn't. Nothing's going to change their mind, and any reason you give just doesn't sound right when it comes out. It just is what it is. I even had to answer the question of whether or not I got a lap dance. Thankfully, I didn't, and amazingly I never had the urge to get one. Normally I would. Prior to this party, I hadn't even been to a club since the Mons Venus in 2004, so it's not like I have this sick addiction to them.
I finally recognized that we needed to end the phone call. We both have to be up early Tuesday morning, and it was obvious we weren't going to be able to do a 180 and make each other smile. It wasn't a pleasant good-bye. I now am up typing away at midnight. I am straddling a fence of emotion where on one side, I feel guilt, but on the other it's something like anger or frustration. NONE of the other guys who went with me that night have ever had problems like this after hitting a bachelor party were hitting a strip club occured. Especially if they behaved. I mean, Nern probably isn't even putting up with this shit--and he's the one getting married.
Batgirl said tonight it is not a self-esteem issue like I suggested last night, when I told her she needs to start seeing herself the way I see her. I say bullshit; it is. I begged the question of when she will finally trust me, because at this point, I don't feel like she does. She told me that talking things over isn't going to make this go away, and she just wants to stop talking about it. I do too. I know, though, when I wake up tomorrow it won't be over. It will go on for a while. I sense that. Really, though--what did I do wrong here?
I had an idea she wasn't cool with the BP going to the a strip club beforehand, but I didn't get a clear picture of just how much this would hurt her. Would I have bailed on the party once I knew we were going to see titties? Hell no! I'm a man damn it, and if I left it would have felt like I lost my dignity. I don't think she can understand that. She even said she doesn't want to tell me what to do, and I echoed the same sentiment to her. What really blows me away is her own younger brother has porn, and talks about it, yet it's humorous to her. I even suspect that his bachelor party may have hit a strip club after the day of fishing they did on the open sea. I am confident his new wife didn't give a shit either.
I'm not sure where else to go with this, but I guess I'm curious to hear the female point of view. I'd also like to hear from the guys who may have run into similar dilemmas in their relationship. I'd be lying if I said I'm not sure if my relationship will be the same again--or if it can endure this difference in opinion. What I am confident about is the going won't be easy in the near future.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:23 AM,
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Bachelor Party
August 06, 2006
With his wedding looming in two weeks, my friends and I celebrated our pal Nern's upcoming wedding by playing 18 holes (best-ball format) during the day yesterday, gathered at a bar for dinner in the evening, then hit the area's best known strip club at night.
I know I'm getting older, because by the time we all met up for dinner, I was wishing I could have a couple of hours for a nap. I must have had about 5 beers during our round of golf, and when you combine that with the sun, it takes a toll. When we sat down for grub, an ICE WATER next to my plate, to watch the Red Sox and Devil Rays, my ass was stuck to the seat. It wasn't until we got to the, ahem, "gentleman's club" that my blood got flowing again. Then again, if you had scores of hot chicks shaking their ass in front of your face, you'd wake up too.
My oberservations on the whole party start with the relationship between Nern and his future father-in-law. Mr. P is one of the coolest older guys I've ever met. He fits right in with our crew of 30-somethings. He and Nern's future uncle-in-law (if that's exists) hung until the very end. Nern's own father, who always has been somewhat of an enigma, only stayed at the first bar with us for dinner, and he was gone in about 2 hours or less. Mr. P, however, happily joined as at the nudie, and sat beside me sliding dollar bills into G-strings and between breasts. The guy even got a back rub while sitting at the stage! At one point, Nern yelled,"Hi Dad!" across the stage to him, and he yelled back,"Hi son! Having fun?" with a chuckle.
To me, that's the way a bachelor party should be. Everyone having fun, as long as the bachelor doesn't take it too far and disrespect his future wife and the man who brought her up. It's obvious Nern's new family is happy to have him marry their daughter, and they trust his judgement. Sometimes, I think people take the whole going to strip club thing too seriously. Yeah, there has been those horror stories of strippers and the party-goers or bacholor taking it too far, but for the most part nothing like that really happens. Some people are able to have fun with sex and keep it in perspective, while others are uptight and make the end-all/be-all. Mr. P is obviously the former, and I think Nern should appreciate the trust he's earned.
My next observation is one that's always struck me as amazing. It's the fact these girls, who are up on stage, baring all and allowing strangers to make a little bit of contact with them, can make it look like they are into the guy they're teasing. As a relatively attractive guy with some self-esteem issues, I sometimes buy into the act. While I've had a dancer openly say to me, "thank God you're cute! That guy over there is gross," the attention they're giving alone is enough to make you think I could get her.
I know the money they can rake in is tremendous, especially the place I went to last night, but what pushes a woman to do this for a living always intrigues me. Case in point is one of the dancers who smacked my face with her tits. She actually was once the little girl who grew up next door to me. I didn't know it was really her until she crouched down in front of me. I knew she worked there, but had been told it was as a cocktail waitress only. Since I hadn't seen in her in over a decade, I didn't expect her to know who I was, and she didn't (at least I was led to believe that). When she took my head and pushed it into her silcone-enhanced chest, I laughed a little bit and took it what it was worth: just fun for a couple of dollar bills. I never said who I was, or I knew who she was, but I wondered what made her take this path.
I don't know if I'll ever have a bachelor party in my honor, but if I do, I'm totally cool with hitting a strip club. I've already proclaimed that I want my bachelor party to be at a Red Sox-Devil Rays game in Tampa, with a follow-up at the famous Mons Venus (careful if you click!). We went there for my friend, The FBI Agent's, bachelor party two years ago. The women were so hot that even the members of my college crew who are not into strip clubs purchased a lap dance or two. What always surprises me is that particular bachelor party was different from the others of friends of mine. Believe it or not, Nern did NOT want any part of that scene last night.
Of the many friends of mine who have gotten married over the last several years, The FBI Agent's was the ONLY one where the bachelor really wanted to hit a strip club. The rule his fiance gave him for the party was that he not get any private lap dances (which we obviously didn't abide by).The rest of the BP's have been dinners in bars, event halls, or a Dave & Buster's, stand-up comedy acts, bowling, baseball games, football games, and dinner cruises. Not your average expectations of what a bachelor party would be. My guess is the bachelorette factored into the planning, but I do know in Nern's case after having known him for nearly 20 years, the strip club wasn't his idea.
I think he still had fun, and I know his wedding day will be all the more better.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 11:40 AM,
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You F*cked Up? Go To Rehab!
August 03, 2006
Going to rehab seems to be the solution in Hollywood these days, especially when a celeb is busted for, oh, I don't know--DUI? In light of the recent events surrounding Mel Gibson (No--I'm not going to weigh in on this; you can go to 85% of the blogs on the Internet for that), I thought I'd make a point how going to rehab is becoming the ultimate PR move for the "beautiful people."How many of these people are going because they really have a chemical dependency problem? I'm willing to bet not many. I sincerely believe that if Mel Gibson was a drunk, his family would have kicked him out of the house and into the Betty Ford clinic a long time ago. For some reason, a traffic stop leading to a DUI arrest--coincidentally followed by a report of anti-Semitic remarks--equals a drinking problem, and not poor judgment.
I've been stopped for suspicion of drunk driving, twice between 18 and my early 20's. I'm not proud of it. Both times I was ok enough to drive the short distance home, and capable enough to pass field sobriety tests. While I don't condone D & D, I was pretty damn lucky I wasn't asked to take a breathilizer because I definitely would have failed. Thing is, both times it happened, I was cooperative and calm. I never yelled about how the Jews were evil and responsible for the problems in the Middle East, or threatened a cop's career. Now, If I was smashed, who knows. By using the logic of today's public figures, I'd just go to rehab and that would ease the public perception of me. Reality is, I've functioned to the highest level in my everyday life without the need to reach for a sip of alcohol, making it pretty damn obvious I am not an alcoholic. My getting stopped was simply an example of bad judgment and irresponsibility, not that I am addicted to boozing.
The point is, none of these people have a real drug or alcohol problem. They're using a real sickness, and the way to cure it, in an attempt to preserve their image. Their real problem is--they just royally fucked up! Don't buy for one minute that these morons need some type of medical help. The only thing they need is a good PR rep, and a chaperone. Really--if each one of us who did something stupid while we indulged in a few too many beverages used alcoholism as the reason for it, we'd be spending half of our time in rehab.
Slept with the ugly guy/girl from the bar last night? Must be an alcoholic!
Fell down the stairs while trying to hop down on one leg? Get me into counseling.
Fell in the pool while dancing like an asshole? Show me the way to the Betty Ford Clinic.
Here now are a few of my favorite "I'm sorry, and I'm checking myself into rehab" cop-outs of recent memory:
- Mel Gibson: Unless you haven't been paying attention, 'nuff said. Apologizes not once but twice (through his PR rep) for bashing Jewish folks to the cops, then checks himself in. Obviously, it was "the tequilla talking."
- Joe Namath: During a Patriots-Jets game in a sideline interview with ESPN's Suzie Kolber, "Broadway Joe" pronounces he wants to kiss her, obviously hammered as he slurs his speech during the segment. He punctuates the second "I wanna kiss you" with a Howard Dean-like "Yeeeah!" Days later, he apologizes and checks in to rehab.
- RI representative Patrick Kennedy: Carries on the Kennedy tradition of getting busted for DUI. Checks into rehab. Gets out in less then a month. Man; he heals faster than Wolverine of the X-Men!
- Pat O'Brien: Pat makes a few booty calls to a stripper who "is so fucking hot," but moronically decides to verbalize his desire to have threesomes with her, suck her tits, lick her pussy, and do coke together on her answering machine. Conveniently, Patty O'Brien checks into rehab once word gets out about the messages. Funny; why is it I don't hear any slurred or unclear speech on these cuts? Looks like a different kind of addiction is the problem here!
Let this be a lesson. Don't drink and drive, and always think before you do something stupid. It's not worth losing everything you got.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 7:22 PM,
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