Lame Duck
May 09, 2007
I'm a few days overdue on a post, but here goes.
This weekend, I came to a realization that I feel like I am "between homes." What I mean by that is, I don't quite feel like I'm at home in the very house I've owned and lived in for the last 3 1/2 years, and when I'm at Batgirl's place, it's not quite my home either. I mean, none of my things are even there.
I guess this all hit me when I got home Saturday afternoon after spending Friday night and most of that next day with Batgirl. I pulled up to my house, and in the middle of my front yard was a newly planted tree, a bed of flowers along the top edge of the lawn, and new soil with grass seeds spread over some dead spots. My brother and his girlfriend did some landscaping prior to leaving for her place for the night. As pleasantly surprised as I was, I could not help but get the first sense that my days in this house are getting numbered.
My brother and I have owned this house since July of 2003. We bought it because we were paying $800.00 a month on rent for a 2 bedroom just outside of downtown, and this place was selling for a decent price. After some shopping on mortgages, we found that we could swing the house, especially if we rented the third bedroom of our single-floor ranch to someone. Since then, it's proven to be a good investment and at other times, a mistake. When he and I started to see our purse strings getting tight with just the two of us, we brought in a tenant and things seemed to be working out. In fall 2005, after I had been dating the girl from the Midwest all summer, I discovered the plane tickets and mortgage payments were sapping me. We ended up refinancing and using equity to take out extra money for renovations and to pay off our own high-interest debts. That ended up putting me on a right financial path since. Consider it a blessing I had this house. Now, I felt the time was coming for my brother and I to talk about what happens next should I decide to get engaged to Batgirl.
This is the third time he and I have talked about one of us moving out. The first time was when he was with his last serious girlfriend. She lived about 45 minutes away, owned her own place, and had asked the bro to move in with her. He was ready to do it. I really didn't have any options for a roommate to take his place, and my emails out to my whole range of local friends and acquaintances turned up nothing. In the end, they suddenly broke up and his move never happened. The second time was as recent as late January/early February when he was considering a move for his company to another state. Our plans for renovations on our kitchen went on hold since then, but in that time he finally got word he wouldn't be getting the job and he'd be staying here. Now came my turn to bring up the prospects of moving out.
To no surprise, my brother didn't seem the least bit sorry to hear I may be out by the fall. In his eyes, it would be great for him from a business standpoint to have me out of the picture. In my place, his current girlfriend (who is a financial disaster and has only been with him for several months) would move in and pay a little more than half the mortgage--likely to cover a small part of the taxes. If I were to be bought out, I'd only get back $9,000 in profit, which is not nearly going to cover my student loans I still owe. My brother could hang onto the house another 1-2 years and the work he continues to put in could raise the value more in a hopefully better real estate market when he decides to sell. Unfortunately, I wouldn't see the profit.
To the outsider, the right move would be for me to stay on board, but reality is, it wouldn't work. To begin with, Batgirl's mortgage is much more than mine. Secondly, the idea that a girl who owes over $17K in credit card debt is expected to pay me $700 for rent is a bit scary, even if it is my brother's girl. Lastly, Batgirl just would like to see me wash my hands of any legal or financial ties with my brother because he's never exemplified a sincere care for my well-being. If she's going to be marrying me, she fears I'd get screwed, which could also mean she gets affected. My brother and I don't have a warm relationship, and it seems to me that it's gotten even colder and more tense in the last several months. I guess you could say this contributes to my feeling of not being "at home" any longer. Afterall, since my brother and I had this talk, I get asked at least twice a week when am I moving out?
My parents are quite concerned about how my brother is handling it because they see it as him now trying to push me out the door before Batgirl and I have firmly committed ourselves to each other. Plus, they feel he's really jumping the gun on his girlfriend moving in with him. On Sunday, I admitted to my parents how I feel like I'm between homes, and that I still have a jury out on whether I can marry Batgirl. The main hang-up is my concern over whether or not she expects us to live in the bubble where it's me, her, our immediate families, and no one else. This talk is going to happen soon, but until then, I plan on helping renovate the kitchen and the house's exterior as we try to increase the value and my chances of a better profit. We'll then have the house appraised, and whatever the difference is between the mortgage balance and the determined value of the house, I'd get half as a cash buyout. It's the only fair solution we can come up with.
Yeah, it's pretty stressful right now, both professionally and personally. My parents went as far as offering me the extra room in their house, where I could stay there rent-free in order to save up and have money to not only pay loans, but pay for a possible wedding. Batgirl has made it clear, no ring--no move in. I respect that, and can't change her mind, especially knowing her folks would hold that against us. My parents' offer would make sense in that case. Still, to go back in with your parents at 31, after several years of living on your own, to me that's a hard pill to swallow.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:01 AM,
