Let's Wait A While
March 06, 2007
I meant to get a post up for Monday, but I returned from my ski trip a bit late on Sunday and was pretty exhausted. New England got hit with a nasty storm that dumped over a foot of snow in the mountains on Friday. Needless to say, some thick snow on the slopes combined with a lot of skiers made it seem like grooming was not in the equation Saturday for the resort. That 30's Guy got the reality check that I'm not in my 20's anymore. I threw in the towel both Saturday and Sunday after 3 hours or so of skiing. In the old days, I probably could have hung in there.
Still, it was good to get away on a guys' weekend, even though the only person who went that I had a close relationship with was my dad. The remainder of the group was all people from my old company I worked for (they family who owns the company invited me, which was really generous of them), and a close friend of my father. There was a lot of catching up, mostly telling them about my current job and the status of the relationship with Batgirl.
The night before I left, Batgirl and I spent the night at her place. We cooked up dinner, and finished off a big bottle of Cabernet while talking afterwards. Somehow along the way the topic about what happened at the basketball game back on Feb 20 came up. That lead to more talk about her needing to understand that I value my friendships, and I'm not about to just turn my back on them. While she says she's not asking me to do that, it certainly has felt like if I did that she wouldn't lose sleep over it. Uh uh. Won't happen, and I made that plainly clear.
My approach this time was to explain that these people whom I've known for over 20 years and more are like family to me. My family looks at my longtime friends as part of the family, and it's vice verse with my friends' families. Batgirl still doesn't quite grasp the concept of that since her life has always been simple. Small family, the five of them and her grandparents, and no one else. She commended me for the ability to be able to talk to anyone, even citing how it was the reason her late aunt thought well of me. Her, however, she prefers the quiet life. This house she worked hard to get is her safe haven, and she's not willing to let strangers in it.
I continued to drill it home that everyone she's been introduced to, and my guy friends, all have had nothing but nice things to say about Batgirl. I went as far as saying I get questioned as to when I'm going to tie the knot with her by these very people. I then went on to say that quite frankly I was getting to the point I didn't care what the wives or girlfriends of my buddies thought because,"you're all a bunch of catty bitches when it comes down to it. As long as you can be civil and at least try to get along, then that's all we guys can ask for."
In any event, we came to the agreement that until she is willing to accept I have close friendships outside the relationship, and she is willing to share her home with me as if it is my own (i.e. let me invite friends over on occasion), we can't get married. I was relieved we agreed on that. I felt the pressure release. I'm not sure if it was the wine talking, but Batgirl even went as far as saying that what we have is so good the way it is. Why should we spoil it with marriage in the near future?
One on one, we do have a great thing, and I'm willing to seperate my life with my friends from the life I have with Batgirl. I talked about this with my father during the trip, and he said that while I make this out to be a real issue, it shouldn't be the deciding factor in whether or not Batgirl is wife-material. My mother likes next to none of my father's friends. He can care less. He just goes and does his thing without her. As long as I'm not making a habit of turning the home I'd share with Batgirl into a weekly boys' club, and make sure she's cool with inviting people over on occasions when I do want to have a gathering, things will work out over time.
"Batgirl is shy; you need to let her get to know everyone at her pace," he told me. He said if I give her more than equal time, she really can't complain when there are the occasions I prefer to take some time for myself. It givers her a chance to do her own thing, too. She actually got a lot accomplished while I was away this weekend and felt good about it, even though she did miss me. I just wish she had a way to cut loose on her two nights of freedom while I was gone.
Friday night, she hosted my mom, my grandmother, my aunt, and some women she works with at the school. Pretty cool of her since my family hasn't had a chance to see the house all moved into, and they all bonded with Batgirl. Saturday night, she cooked dinner for her parents, grandparents, brother and his wife. Not exactly the way That 30's Guy would go about it!
Thursday night's talk certainly helped things for me. Batgirl sounds like she is accepting the fact there will be more weddings this year, more showers, all of which will precede if/when it's our turn. She understands I would like to see us married eventually like she does, but the time is not now. I'm saving money towards a ring, and she's seeing that. In the meantime, she needs to adjust to this new chapter of owning a home, and the approaching reality of sharing living space with a mate again. The big thing I have to do is prove to her I'm not going to be like her ex even though we share the same characteristic of being in a big social circle. I don't intend on living in the infamous "Boys' Town" and hitting strip clubs, womanizing and boozing with the guys, disrespecting her like he did. She'll never admit it, but I think that is the root of this problem she has. Only with time is that fear going to disappear, and I'm willing to wait for that.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:11 AM,
