I guess you could figure this out...
August 21, 2007
but my blogging days (at least in this capacity) are coming to a close. I just don't have a whole lot of time to spare. With football season coming up, my time in front of a computer (when it's not involving my job) is going to be spent updating my fantasy football league's website. I guess you can call it my escape or creative outlet. Still, to you my loyal readers, I owe you a quick recap of the last month and a half. So, in my final post here is what's happened:
- Batgirl has done her best to try to get in with my friends and their significant others. She gave it a real honest try, but the first time I saw just how cold you broads can be to one another. It's a damn shame because Batgirl is such a kind, caring woman. The shitty thing is she won't let me call those reponsibile out onto the carpet. It really puts me in a tough position to keep making up excuses, but there are ways that I will need to come up with that won't be so abrasive in order to open the girls' eyes more. For now, Batgirl is at her wits' end. I don't blame her, but it's very sad and very disappointing for me since I always thought when I met a special girl, she'd be treated well. Yeah, I'll admit that Batgirl hasn't always jumped on chances to spend time with the gang, but the sickening part is when she has made the effort, no one seems to really make her feel welcome. I just hope the day comes when those responsible for making her feel like shit realize their behavior is rude and inconsiderate.
- I moved into the parents house, however my name is still on my old house with my brother. With the real estate market not in a rosey state, banks have advised the two of us to stick this out and my brother and his girlfriend pay rent. Batgirl had a real issue with the idea of the brother and I maintaining our "business" relationship since she doesn't trust him, and the fear is that if something were to happen to the house it will affect our future. I admit it concerns me, too, especially since the girlfriend is a major financial liability with over $17K in credit card debts. It had looked like my brother got a good mortgage through Bank of America, however the value of the house is less than we owe on it, and we'd have to pay more out our pockets to get this deal done. I would be walking away, at best, with only half of what I would be getting from the equity we built up. Since I want to eliminate my debt and this is the way to get that to happen, I'm opting to keep my name on the house for a while and keep it between my brother and I, and my parents.
I feel awful keeping this from Batgirl, but the deal is that no matter what, by the time she and I get married, the house is going to have to have my name off it. Things between Batgirl and I have been a bit rocky, however things have been brightening up when I first told her it looked like my brother had a fair mortgage worked out with BOA. It was like a weight lifted off of us and we were heading in the right direction towards a life together. Then, the news came that the deal was too good to be true. I have not figured out how, or if I'll ever, tell her. Thing is, I'm going to keep looking for ways to get the house refinanced and my name off the mortgage. Even if my brother isn't really trying since the monthly payments would obviously increase from what they are now.
- Life in the parents' place hasn't been so bad yet after nearly a month. I spend half the week at Batgirl's so I don't feel like I'm in a full house (my 21-year-old sister lives here too, but is usually out or working each night). I don't want to get too comfortable, and a part of me is ashamed I'm back here, but it is a means to an end. It's something I should have done when I first graduated college, and again when I moved back here from New Jersey in 2001.
- My 23-year-old cousin married her 30-year-old fiance two weeks ago. Oh, and they have a son who is about 6 months old. I feel old.
- Batgirl found some gray hairs on the side of my head, officially showing I'm getting older.
- Next weekend Vegas gets married. I never thought I'd see the day, especially when it was jut a couple of years ago when he told me there was no way he was getting marriend any time soon.
- You know you're getting old when one of your best friends since high school is doing a fantasy football draft...feeding, changing, and rocking his 2-month-old daughter.
Oh, and his team looks destined to be the worst in the league. Do you think he got a little distracted?
I wish I could have done a better job staying on top of this blog, especially now when my life is really going into a major chapter. Fact is, I just haven't had the same gusto like I did in the beginning of 2005 when I began writing my first blog. That was a fun one.
I also realize it was more fun to write a blog when I was single. There always seemed to be an interesting adventure in trying to find a woman who I could settle into a relationship with. Now that I did, I feel like I need to keep our life more private out of respect to her (she is very private about even the most minor of details).
Where will I be in the coming months, you may ask? Well, I hope to overcome my fear of the unknown and go out to by the engagement ring I've been planning to buy for over a month now. The questions keep coming back though. There have been times when I see how upset Batgirl gets when people in my life make her life get complicated, and I wonder how she hasn't told we can't make this work. Somehow, someway we always find the silver-lining and enjoy each other's companionship through it all. I still would like a little more of my own free time, but I think once the school year starts and she needs her time to deal with correcting tests and reading student essays things will even out. It was not the best of summers for us, but life can't always be peaches and cream.
This won't be the end of blogging for me. I am going to start a blog to document my fantasy football season and have it online by week one of the NFL season. I'm doing it because it won't take long to do a post, won't require frequent writing, and most importantly it will allow some escape for a half-an-hour a day. I know there is a market for the topic, especially this time of year when fellow "owners" look for that edge over the competition. I'm not an expert, just a guy who wants to keep track of his moves, and see what others will think of it.
All this said, thank you all who have shown such a great interest in my life in the last two years or so, and have done nothing but give me kind words of support. Sometimes the criticism was hard to take, but I always knew that between the lines, your words were typed with good intentions. While this may be an end for me on the realm of S0-This is My 30's-dom, it's still the necessary next step to take in my life. None of my friends and family (save one woman who I have lost touch with and feel guilty as all hell I don't speak to frequently anymore, but I still value everything she has been in terms of a friend over the years prior) knew about this blog, and quite frankly I felt guilty not to tell them about it. Especially Batgirl who was so often a topic here.
Like a fad, this blog is over. I'll leave it up for a little while so those of you who want to comment can do so, and believe me your well wishes will be appreciated. Take care all, and I hope we find each other on another corner of the Internet.
That 30's Guy
Streets of Philadelphia & The 4th
July 05, 2007
I figure this week is going to be a light one in terms of readership, so I'm kicking back. I did, however, mean to give you a report on my maiden voyage to the "City of Brotherly Love."
Vegas' bachelor party was this weekend. I made a pit stop along the way to meet up for dinner with The Politician and to crash with Gian before he and I continued the ride into Phillie. We met with our crew, hit a Mexican restaurant around the corner from the hotel, then hopped on the subway to Citizen's Bank Ballpark to see the Mets simply throttle the Phillies in their own house. Following the game, we did what any good tourists would do, and that is make the pilgrimage to the famous cheese steak stands in the slums of South Philly, Geno's Steaks and Pat's for dinner.
After freshening up in the hotel, the crew made it's way out to Archful Dodger for brews, The Dog House where Jager-Bombs were being inhaled, followed by the unexpected visit to probably the most asexual strip club I've ever set foot in, Delilah's. What's funny is it was the largest collection of gorgeous topless dancers I've seen since my buddy, the Fed's, bachelor party at Mons Venus in Tampa two years ago. Yeah, I couldn't resist the coaxing from Vegas to get a lap dance, and I'm glad I did. This "Italian bird" knew how to get good wood with grinding action of her backside. Oh, and a reach down to fondle the package helped also.
Here now are my takes on the Philly experience--a place I won't be returning to anytime soon, by the way.
- The female talent was a major surprise. Everywhere we went and looked, there was some fine looking ladies crossing my path. New York and Chicago....you've got some competition.
- Phillies fans may be the most bitter baseball fans I've seen since White Sox fans before they won the World Series in 2005.
- Anyone who says that fantasy baseball takes away from the game needs to attend a game where they have no emotional attachment to the teams playing. I had 3 Mets and 1 Phillie on my squad who played Saturday, and I was glued to the diamond.
- Citizen's Bank Ballpark has a lot of cool amenities, but the fact is it looked nothing like Turner Field, which I visited in 2002, and it reminded me a lot of US Cellular Field (formerly Comiskey) on Chicago's South Side. Either way, it's a more comfortable place to catch a game than that rundown bandbox the Red Sox call home.
- I feared for my life walking through the 'hoods to get to Geno's from the subway. The ghetto Rocky lived in in Rocky I looked like Beverly Hills compared to these streets.
- I've had better cheese and steak sandwiches at D'Angelo sandwich shops in New England than the one I got at Geno's. Simply overrated. I heard from the guys who hit Pat's that it wasn't much better.
- Just what is the deal with Delilah's? They have the traditional stage where patrons can sit and gawk at the girls and shove dollar bills into their G's or their fake D's. What was unusual was this center stage that jutted out above the bar, and you could not do anything but admire the dancers from your barstools. What's stranger is the lack of girls walking around to solicit a lap dance. Here we were, a bunch of guys looking to spend cash, but all we could find were these girls in red dresses charing $500.00 for a private dance! What's even stranger: a lot of the "$500 girls" couldn't hold a candle to the girls on stage. The plus side is I spent maybe $40.00 in there tops.
- Strange city. You'd be driving in a completely depressing neighborhood, then suddenly see it clean up and go mid-town swanky, then suddenly resemble the Village in New York City. There is no gradual transition.
- The smell of urine while we stood on the subway platform almost made me pass out, and after years of travelling in NYC's subways, you'd think I would be used to it.
- Has nothing to do with Philly, but during my pit stop near the Jersey Shore, a belief I've always had was justified: New Jersey produces some of the hottest chicks in the country.
As for my 4th of July, the 2007 edition, there isn't much excitement to report. Batgirl hosted her family, and invited my parents and siblings to join. My brother completely blew off the invite, and my sister already had plans with her boyfriend and their group. Our folks seemed to get along great after some initial awkwardness (they've only been around each twice in the 17 months we've been together). It felt like a real family get-together at a home I shared with Batgirl. I grilled the dogs and burgers while our father's walked the grounds looking for work that needs to be done to the landscaping. Conveniently, the party dispersed around 6pm, leaving the rest of the night for she and I to chill out.
No fireworks again this year, but I don't mind. I've lived a lifetime of watching them. Once you've seen the Macy's 4th of July fireworks extravaganza live in the Big Apple, you're pretty much ruined for all other displays. Sorry but the local show sponsored by the small town recreation department can only be a letdown. Give me another showing of Office Space on Comedy Central and some "quality time" between the sheets any day.
Back in the Day
June 27, 2007
While driving home from grocery shopping on Monday night. I was pretty stunned to hear the news of WWE wrestler Chris Benoit's death. I became more disturbed when I sat down to watch "Monday Night Raw" on the USA Network for the first time since...well, when another wrestler Eddie Guerrero died young, and found out that not only did Benoit die, but so did his wife and kid. Right away my mind jumped to the conclusion that Benoit killed his family, then himself.
Tuesday that was confirmed by local investigators in Fayetteville, GA.
Early, tragic deaths of pro-wrestlers have become a disturbing trend. These real-life cartoon characters that I grew up watching now seem to be leaving us at an alarming rate, and with their unfortunate and sudden losses comes the reality that I'm all growns up now. I was big into wrestling as far back as when I was in 2nd grade. I remember going to my first live event with my dad, his friend and his friend's son DT who I want on to grow up with. Hulk Hogan faced off against Jesse "The Body" Ventura. Hulk got busted open, and won the match by "disqualification." He concluded the night doing his famous pose-down, which now a days seems pretty gay for a male fan to be hooping and hollering like a chick because a wrestler flashed his guns and his pecs.
In any event, just about my entire circle of friends got into wrestling in the mid to late 1980's and into the late 90's. I dare say it is probably what made us join the high school wrestling team when we were freshman. My interest in it had died down a bit when I got to college, however it was revitalized in Summer 1997 when Hulk Hogan turned "heel" (aka became a bad guy). My senior year of college actually culminated with an attendance to my first ever WCW event to see Monday Nitro just before Senior Week. After graduating and going into the real world to live in a New Jersey studio apartment with no cable, my interest died down again for a few years until "Hollywood" Hogan made his return to the WWF/WWE. Notice a trend here? Yeah, I'm a Hulkamaniac for life...BROTHER!
Anyway, one of my pals sent out a group email with the latest link to the Benoit story Tuesday morning. One of the boys made the observation during the discussion thread that it now seems like "all the guys (wrestlers) we grew up with aren't going to make it". When I think back about it, he may be right. Off the top of my head I can come up with over a dozen more superstar wrestlers from the 80's and 90's who helped build it into the megadollar business that it's become (moment of silence please):
"Mr. Perfect" Curt Hennig (one of my all-time favorites)
Andre The Giant
Hawk (from the Road Warriors/Legion of Doom)
Bam Bam Bigelow
Miss Elizabeth (first famous chick who made me discover a boner)
British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith
Big John Studd
Just about anyone with the last name Von Erich
That's a pretty lengthy list, and a lot of them occurred this decade before they hit the age of 50.
Yeah, you could call this lame, but wrestling was a big part of teenage and pre-teen years, with a part of me that tried not to let go in my mid twenties. Now I could care less, except for when those entertainers who were a part of my youth suddenly pass on, and take a part of my childhood with them.
Beginning to Reflect
June 26, 2007
A new week begins. The countdown is on for Vegas bachelor party which will be taking place this coming weekend in...Philadelphia.
What city were you expecting?
I'm travelling to the Jersey Shore on Friday to visit with the Politician, and then we are hoping Gian gets out of work earlier than he is presently expecting so the three of us can hang out for the night. Then, the next morning I will travel to the City of Brotherly Love with Gian to meet up with Vegas and the gang to catch Mets and Phillies. This will be my first ever trip to Philadelphia, but unfortunately there will be little tourist action. This will be all about baseball, the boys, and having a good time. To be quite honest, I'm looking forward to have a "guys-only" getaway.
Don't get me wrong; I enjoy the time I spend with Batgirl, but my nights out with the boys locally seems to be getting more and more scarce now with Nern's entry to fatherhood, Ren being a husband and still preferring to spend his weekends out late with this hot wife and living the good life, The Attorney doing what he always has and that is disappear with Kat for the weekends, and Master K in hiding where he lives in NH with his fiance. The times they are a changing.
My brother, his girlfriend, and the rest of my immediate family left for their Mediterranean cruise on Friday. I opted to not go as far back as the day my mom asked me if I wanted to go. #1, I was looking for a new job at the time and didn't know what my vacation time would be if I landed something, and #2 was the amount of money. I was looking at being committed to just under a grand to go somewhere I just have no desire to go: Europe (no offense to my UK readers, I just prefer a cruise in the Caribbean). Not to mention, some of Batgirl's co-workers from the school were going to be on this trip as it was organized by a faculty member my mom is still friendly with. Obviously Batgirl, being such a private person who prefers to keep her personal and professional life separate, was not excited with the opportunity either.
So, here we are, stuck at home watching over Batgirl's black lab who had two fatty cysts removed from her side and neck. Because the neck incision is in a spot where they can't put a cone to keep the dog from reaching it with her hind leg to scratch, we had to watch over the dog like a hawk. Sure I didn't have to, but I felt bad my girlfriend was going to be chained to her house. We took shifts doing our errands, one sitting with dog and the other doing their own thing. It's actually going to be this way through the next two weeks, so thankfully I won't repeat another dull weekend in the house making sure the dog doesn't pop her stitches.
We did have an episode with the neck incision late Saturday night after we finished an awesome steak dinner cooked on the grill. We were getting primed for a long overdue night of sex, when Batgirl noticed blood could see the flap of skin jutting out. Thankfully, there is a 24-hour veterinarian hospital we could go to, but unfortunately it was over 25 minutes away. What a looong ride that was! Obviously the need for the babysitting was made clear by that event.
Oh, and we didn't get to have hot sex until Sunday night.
In any event, having the house to myself got me to start thinking about my time here. I regret how I never pushed myself to put the work into it that my brother has become more motivated to do. I'm not handy by any means, but I should have been smart and forced the issue to get working on the place last summer. However, it was a busy summer with many weekends of weddings and other plans, and I just wanted to have me a good time with my girlfriend on the weekends we could reserve for us. Now, my pleasure seeking summer of '06 will hit me in the wallet due to the fact the house's value isn't what it could have been had we worked through the last several months. I haven't had a summer to really speak of since I was in college, and put that priority in the wrong place. My old job's busy season was every summer, and I often put in late hours each night. The weekends were such a blessing, who wants to spend them doing shit I don't really enjoy or get much out of.
Funny how more things change, the more they stay the same.
I think for another post this week, I'm going to talk about the memories I've stored up in living here the last 4 years. The reality started hitting me when I was at the supermarket about 2 weeks ago. I worked around the outside of the house then drove around the neighborhood Saturday, I really began to start thinking to myself, "Wow. I'm really going to be closing a chapter in my life."
It's a bit scary to be perfectly honest with you. I always hoped that my brother and I would be able to stay put right up until it was time for the other to move in with his future spouse. The option would be to either by the other out, or sell the place outright. In a way that is what we're doing, except I'm going back to my parents because renovations are about to begin and it makes no sense for me to invest my $14K-Plus of equity if the real estate market sucks right now. Even if I was moving in with Batgirl, I'd still be giving up my independence. At least with my parents, the most questioning I will probably get is from my mother and that is whether or not I will be home for dinner on a given night.
So, I'll continue to think of that list that already began to register through my mind over the weekend (believe me, I had a lot of time to think when I was sitting with the dog). Anyone else been through this nostalgic phase when moving out or moving on to live with a love interest?
The Long And Not So Short of It
June 22, 2007
To compare the last month to a roller coaster ride would be an understatement. I've never been one who could handle such rides, and if I have a choice I avoid them at all costs. It took a lot of prodding by Batgirl when we went to MGM in Orlando back in April to get on the Aerosmith and the Tower of Terror rides, but for the sake of fun I did them.
Then of course, there are the times we get on the roller coaster when we have no choice but to get on it. Let's start from the beginning
I never gave thought to where my relationship with Batgirl would lead until that November Sunday in her apartment when we got back from looking at the house she would eventually buy. We had spent over 10 months together and her house hunting brought her true feelings to the surface: she was beginning to picture a future, a life, with me. Fast forward to the day she closed on the house, and I remember standing in that big living room with the hardwood floors, looking out into the backyard through the large bay window and the thought hit me: this is the house I'm going to be starting a family in. I don't know what caused it, but it hit my like a ton of bricks.
Fast forward to our brief trip to Florida. While there, we were suckered into one of those timeshare presentations. You know, the ones where you get enticed with 2-for-1 price on a Disney theme park (a $70.00 savings). Somehow, we were sold on it. We saw this as a too-good-to-pass opportunity. This would be something for us, for our future. Then, I did the dumb thing while the salesman was putting together his offer for us: I admitted I had not begun to look at engagement rings. The revelation stuck with her and our final day of mini-vacation was spoiled. MGM wasn't as enjoyable as it could have been as Batgirl dwelled on what I said. Our night back in the hotel was spent with the two of us fighting in the room, wasting our tickets to Paradise Island for that night. The next morning featured the two of us crying.
My sadness was caused by the fact that I hoped the getaway from all of our stresses would allow us the chance to be us again. Since our 1 year anniversary weekend we spent together, it seemed too many influences had taken the fun out of the relationship. It was disheartening to see that my hopes were dashed on this trip. We flew home, and the discussion as to what to do with this timeshare continued on late into the night. It rolled over into Friday, and then Saturday morning. That day, we took advantage of the 10-day grace period that allowed us to cancel. We came back home and I admitted finally that I had doubts about whether she was the woman I could marry no matter how much I loved her. When we parted ways around noon, I was certain our relationship was over.
Only, it wasn't. It seemed to strengthen it. I realized in that whole afternoon I was away from her that I needed to begin to see the big picture. I needed to stop wasting our time and decide if I wanted to get on the same page as this woman who loved me so much that she saw me as her future husband. The thought had crossed my mind, so why was I afraid to act on it? Simply put, I feared I would not be allowed to have any of my life brought into the marriage. I knew that in order for me to be comfortable with this decision, she had to tell me her position on my friends' place in my life. I was being faced with the prospect of losing her, and my God it hurt that day. I felt lost. I decided that it was time to begin taking big steps forward on the path that is my life.
Fast forward to Memorial Day Weekend. It was a very emotional one as finally something gave in. We decided to talk about what my reservations were about getting married to her. I had intentions of talking about it more naturally than we did, but I had grown frustrated with her immaturity on the topic. That Sunday morning, she was just laying in bed, acting depressed, and I lost my patience. We talked, we cried, we laughed, we hugged. I got it out from her that she needs to be willing to allow the relationships I value to have some room in our lives. The fact that I was withholding my firm decision to marry her because I believed she wouldn't allow me to have any time with people outside the family circle opened her eyes to how important my friends are to me. To me, they are like family, like the brothers I don't have (yeah--I have a brother, but we are oil and water, and he's never been one to care about my well-being). She will never know what that is like because she doesn't have such type of relationships. Her best friend is her sister, and her immediate family is her first choice of people to spend her free time with. I felt a lot better about my future with her after that long talk Sunday morning.
Satisfied with the results of our talk that weekend, and hit with the realization that I feel like my home is in this very house where she lives, I decided to put plans in motion for a future together. I went over to my parents' house and sat down with my mother (dad was doing something for the little league) to discuss the offer my parents made about living there for a time rent-free so I could pay of debts and save money from a ring and a wedding. The more I talked with my mother, the more it made sense. I wasn't happy living with my brother anymore, and living with Batgirl before we were even engaged was going against hers and her family's values (actually, her parents will still have an issue with us living together unwed, but Batgirl does not care about that).
So, I made the difficult decision that I will sell my half of the house to my brother, put that money towards paying off my student loans, and move in with my parents until Batgirl and I are engaged and her house is finished being worked on to allow me the room to move my things in. Since the start of June, my brother and I have actually worked out an agreement on how to handle this so that no one gets screwed, although the local real estate market is not very good and there was a good chance I could walk away with only half the amount of equity we presently have in the bank. My good friend, The Attorney, as goofy as he usually is, actually was the one who showed me the way in making this crazy decision to roll the clock back and move home temporarily. He pointed out that our original plan to remodel the house using the equity we took out when we refinanced in Fall'05 would make little sense for me since I didn't plan on staying there much longer, and no sense for my brother because it would increase the value of the house and raise his mortgage when he takes out a new one to buy me out.
Now fast forward to two weekends ago. I saw a side of Batgirl that I never thought I'd see, and hope I never do again. One of my cousins got married a few days after my good friend Nern became a father for the first time. His wife gave birth to a beautiful daughter. I was so happy and anxious to get over to the hospital to see her. Batgirl, on the other hand, turned down the invite because she still feels like a stranger and didn't believe it's our place to be there so soon after the birth. You see, when her niece was born, her sister didn't want anyone but immediate family to visit while she stayed. I decided to just leave it be, take pictures and show them to her another time. I cringed about what the weekend would hold. A birth of a child by a woman closer to her age, plus yet another wedding, all in the same week could take a major toll on Batgirl's "My Time To Have A Family Is Running Out" complex. Boy was I right.
After what had been a surprisingly fun wedding despite the early downpours (it was an outdoor wedding & reception under a huge tent), the night took a turn for the worse. My cousins and sister invited us to join them at their local hangout. My brother, who Batgirl has grown to not trust based on selfish decisions he's made that benefit only him and affect me, and his girlfriend, who has been throwing in Batgirl's face the whole subject of what she is going to do with my house when she moves in, were supposed to come too. We were saying our goodbyes to the family elders when my brother's girlfriend said goodbye to us and then acted surprised when Batgirl revealed we were coming. The way she reacted rubbed Batgirl the wrong way for some reason. I guess when someone annoys you every time you see them, it takes very little to get on your nerves.
We showed up at the bar, but Batgirl was beginning to show signs that I had fed her one too many Gin and Tonics. She was ready to punch out my brother's girlfriend. I knew she was all talk, but the way she began storming through the parking lot had me starting to think otherwise. Thankfully, the two decided not to show up. I sense the tension between the four of us had something to do with it; the brother's girlfriend kisses my parents' asses to no end, and does the same with my younger sister. Batgirl has seen this as much as I, and coupled with the fact this woman has staked claim in a house she doesn't even live in yet, it's hard for us to feel like being around them. So, my drunk sister began to sound off about why she believes they bailed out. The finger was being pointed at my brother's girlfriend. Then came the big hammer.
"I noticed she didn't drink one drink all night at the wedding. I'll bet you she is pregnant!" she said.
All of a sudden I saw Batgirl start chugging down her beer. She began looking upset. She grabbed mine from my hand and began to chug that. My sister, my cousin and her fiance (a different couple, not the newlyweds) and my sister's boyfriend just kind of stopped. Batgirl then put the beer back in my hand and began crying and ran to the ladies' room. My sister, who is 12 years Batgirl's junior and a former student of hers, and my cousin ran after her. They managed to calm her down, and my sister emerged basically giving me an earful about how I need to get my act together and open up my eyes to see this woman loves me and just wants for us to be get moving on having a family. The fact that my brother and his girl of over 6 months are going to move in together in what was my house, and could possibly be having a kid before us just put her over the edge.
Batgirl came out and was settled down. She apologized to everyone. I was a bit embarrassed, but I know there a lot of guys out there whose drunk girlfriend had an emotional outburst while drunk and put them in the same position. I bought Batgirl a Gray Goose and Soda. The girls went off on their own way, and I stayed with the guys. Time passed and Batgirl returned. I wish I hadn't bought her that drink. Within minutes of her return, she had a replay of what happened earlier. I barely said goodbye to my sister's boyfriend so that I could make sure I caught her out in the parking lot. She was really crying, and when we got in the car, she began screaming about how my sister has some nerve to preach to her about life when she has no idea what one is. She kept telling me that she has had it, she has no more to give with the weddings, the baby showers, all revolving around people from my walk of life.
This carried on the whole way home. I just drove, my fists clench around the steering wheel. I let her do the tantrum, with only a few retorts to what she was saying when things were way off-base. I got her home, and finally I grew tired of the whole situation and gathered up my things to walk out. She stopped me when she saw how serious I was about leaving, even though I really didn't want to leave her in the state she was. I thought she had calmed down, and put her bed. I was so disgusted with her behavior that I did not want to lay in the same bed as her. I decided to sleep on the couch in her den. She, however, didn't care for that and the rage became greater. I actually had to wrestle her to keep her from causing more damage to her house and maybe herself (when I was tying to sleep on the den couch, she threw a shoe at her bedroom wall and put a dent in it). Finally, the storm passed, she passed out, and we went on to the next morning.
I wasn't sure how I was going to handle things when the sun came up. Would I break up with her? Should I take into consideration the fact that she obviously has years of anger and frustration that really comes from the time before we met? Would we opt to take some time off from each other just to cool off and think about what we want? Well, apparently Batgirl was so drunk that she had no recollection of what happened after we got home. She literally blacked out. She was horrified when I pointed out what she had done to the wall, that she had gotten a little rough with me, and that the neighbors probably heard some--if not all--the ruckus. I finally, and tearfully, decided that it was time to lay down the law.
I told her that I was disgusted by what I saw, that whatever this rage and bitterness is from needs to be released from her soul, and most importantly, her incessant pressure about getting married is taking away from how special and happy such a decision should be. I accused her of being in competition with someone, probably my brother and his girlfriend, and told her that I wouldn't be jealous if they had a kid and got married before us because they did it the wrong way. I pointed out that since our one year anniversary, we don't seem to have as much fun anymore, and a lot of the relationship angst is caused by her overlooking how special a bond we have and just not appreciating it, wishing for more. I basically told her it is time to back the fuck off. Amazingly, she agreed with me.
So now here we are. You must be wondering why in the world is this guy sticking with this girl? How could he possibly want to marry this loon? Well, for as many faults as my girl has, they are there because she loves me so much. She has been hurt badly in the past and is afraid the same things will happen again. She has battled back from an ugly divorce from a guy she never should have married in the first place, and that insecurity she's had since childhood was only made worse from that experience. Her parents are very guarded people who keep their lives simple with few close friends, and keep their spare time devoted to their kids and the mother's elderly parents. That trait was passed on to my girlfriend more than any of the three kids.
I finally got it drilled into her head now that while I have a good family who really loves Batgirl and wants her to be a part of it, I also have many extended families because of the friendships I've held for over 20+ years. She now understands fully that my longtime pals are also like brothers to me, and there has to be some room for them in my life and small segments of hers. These guys are not like her ex-husband's group, out to be bad influences and enable me to cheat. I also told her I don't expect her to be buddy-buddy with their spouses and significant others, but at least make an effort to be civil and friendly around them. If she can't, then she's going to be left behind all alone when it doesn't need to be that way. Bluntly put to her, no matter what guy you meet, they are always going to have friends, and the ones who don't are the one's whose personality and character should be questioned. The difference is, my friends are growing up, have steady jobs, are starting families, and most of all want to include both of us--not just me-- in their lives still. Hell, my best friend Ren fixed Batgirl's laptop for her this past weekend for nothing; the crazy thing is Batgirl is astonished he's not charging for it. Maybe now she is beginning to learn what close friends are all about.
For those who've hung in there and read this novel, there is a lot more to cover. This is just the outline and in retrospect I think too many of the details were negative. Truth is, these were events that were tough to go through, but seem to have put forth positive results in the end. Our relationship seems to strengthen every time. She even has not busted my ass about when I am supposed to propose. The question is now, when do you think you will be moving in? I have a feeling she may be caving in on her "rule."
I did learn today, however that the appraiser my brother hired valued our house at $8,000 less than what we owe on our mortgage. This means I may end up getting a little over 2/3 of the equity that I'm entitled to that we have in the bank and won't be able to pay off my debts and put a down payment on a wedding ring like I had expected. I was expecting to walk away with $18,000-$20,000 after selling my half of the house, and now it may be $10K at best. I am still going to go forward with moving in with my folks, even though I feel a bit depressed about leaving my old life behind, plus a bit defeated that debt is forcing me to take this alternative.
The summer begins with a bang, and it's only going to get much more interesting as the next month goes by. I plan on being moved into the parents' place by late July, and there could be a ring purchase soon, depending on if I get a better appraisal and can find a store with an affordable payment plan. I only have a slight clue as to what I want, but really, the one thing that matters to me is I know I love Batgirl, home to me is where she is, and the Red Sox can get back to dominating baseball again like they were in April and May.