A Happy Home, but Feeling the Heat
February 27, 2007
Last week busy in a good way, hence the absence from posting anything meaningful. It was a welcome change from prior weeks when what we keeping my busy was the job. Last week, it was personal. That’s a good thing.
Most of my after-work hours were spent helping Batgirl get settled into her new home. After owning it for nearly two months, she finally was determined to get moved in. Taking full advantage of school vacation, she and her family had her out of her old apartment and into her home in four days. They worked like animals. I felt bad that I didn’t take part in the bulk of the moving, but I needed to work and Batgirl insisted I save my vacation time for more recreational activities. Finally, by Friday night, she, her parents and I shared the first official dinner in her new home. She actually got choked up during the toast, and it was really touching. Then, for the first time in 4 ½ years, she was able to have her dog sleep under the same roof (in the place she calls home, not her parents). It obviously was a victorious day in Batgirl’s life, which has had its share of emotional hardship (divorce, unable to keep her dog at her apartment, bad luck dating assholes).
Saturday, she and I used gift certificates for a massage, visited my cousin and her newborn son, then capped the day off with the dinner cruise she bought for a combo anniversary/Valentine’s Day gift. We needed an evening like that one. The view of the city was fantastic, and the food was as good to boot. The evening on the cruise, and a fun Sunday dinner in honor of my brother’s birthday at my parents’ place, brought some peace of my mind to me. You see, I came into the weekend with some turbulence in my mind regarding our relationship.
Here is where no matter how hard I try not to, I'm going to vilify my girlfriend.
In case you missed it, she and I attended a college basketball game early last week. It was a game my best friend, Ren, was going to be at with his wife. They were taking seats from Nern’s two spare season tickets, and sitting with he and his wife. Batgirl and I sat in our seats on the other side of the arena. At halftime, we bumped into the whole gang, and then came the offer: “There some empty seats by us; why don’t you come join us?” I got a big nervous because I wasn’t sure what the right answer would be. Visions of the episode in December where Batgirl didn’t want us to site with my friends came to mind. I disappointed myself and lied.
“We’re going back to sit with Batgirl’s dad, who is up in section 230. We may,” I said.
Her dad was at the game, but we had no intention of going to sit with him. As we parted ways, Ren hollered back and asked where we’d be going for post-game beers, and told him the bar across the street. As we headed to the seats, I mentioned to Batgirl that I knew she didn’t really want to sit with them, and that’s why I lied. A part of me hoped she’d say, I really don’t have a problem with us sitting with them. It didn’t happen though. I knew I was wishing for too much. The funny thing is, we never even went to visit her dad the whole night. Instead, we went back to our seats and watched the end of an exciting game. Needless to say, I felt guilty.
After the game, we did hit the bar, only no one joined us. My guilt got heavier. I wondered if they could tell I was lying for Batgirl. Even though it was late and Nern and his wife are about 6 months pregnant, I felt more disappointment. In the end, it was good they didn’t because Batgirl and I got into a talk about the potential of my brother’s potential move to Albany, which would lead to us having to selling our house. Batgirl was upset because it seemed my future was being dictated by what he’d do. She was feeling frustration that I’m not making a decision that affects us as a couple. She then pulled out her infamous,”We’re obviously in a different place.”
That enraged me, because little had she known, I was strongly considering the marriage decision in the days leading up to that night. I never wanted to fill her in on my thought process out of fear my mind could change. That was occurring as the night went on, mainly because of how I handled the invite to watch the 2nd half with my friends. I explained to her that I’m making financial decisions that will allow me to save money to buy a ring, and afford a wedding, but she needed to be patient. I also told her that my ideal situation should I sell my house would be to move in with her and pay rent, but that has been nixed by her because it would be frowned upon be her parents, and she’d feel more comfortable with a firm commitment to us and our future (that is understandable). By the time our talk ended, she understood where I was coming from.
Near the end of the week, I had a talk with by good friend Vegas, who is getting married at the end of the summer. His wife is going to be approaching 36 when they wed, and he totally sympathizes with the pressure I may be feeling. He met his fiancé when we went to Chicago 3+ years ago. They even had an 8-month break from each other. In the end, the guy who I thought was immature and selfish made the move to propose, and tie the knot fast. While younger than me, Vegas was a voice of reason on this night when he asked me to be in his wedding party.
He pointed out that I probably could have handled introducing her to the type of personalities I hang with here at home a little better. I really did thrust her into the group all at one time. Since I can't change what's done, he suggested I start by telling her how guilty I felt about last week, and then ask her what it is about my friends that makes her uncomfortable. Try not to be confrontational, which I have a habit of doing. Most of all, don't just automatically say yes to weekend invites because I never know, she may have something in store for us.
Sunday night, we did have what I thought would be an awkward moment after dinner. The discussion about my brother's professional future came up, and my grandmother (in her own sweet, but intrusive way) asked me what I would do. I answered honestly we'd sell the house. That's when she followed up with,"So, you'd move in with Batgirl then?" I felt the air rush out of me.
On the way home, Batgirl giggled and I asked what was amusing her. She repeated my grandmother's question. It was nice she got some humor out of it, especially considering how serious our talk became at the bar on Tuesday night. In spite of all the pressure we both are feeling about what happens next, I still believe we can make it all work.
As we said goodnight Sunday, and I left Batgirl in her new house alone for the first time, she commented she looked forward to the day I could stay all the time. Ya know what? I felt a bit sad when I went my seperate way, just like I felt a week ago. Perhaps when I am with her, I do feel like I am at home.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:02 AM,
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Beaver?
February 23, 2007
I've been busy from the time I get up to the time I get home late at night, helping Batgirl get settled into her new home all week long.
I did however chuckle when I read this headline today on Yahoo!:
1st Beaver spotted in NYC in 200 years
That's funny. I could have sworn Britney Spears made an appearance in the Big Apple in the last two months.
Have a great weekend all. I'm sure to be back, blogging as normal next week.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:52 PM,
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Airing of Grievances
February 20, 2007
You could call last Friday, "Festivus Friday." It was an airing of grievances over occurances over the last three months of 2006.
Master K, who I had not spoken to since the day Batgirl closed on her house, was making a surprise visit for the weekend. His fiance, Shep--who has emerged into a sort of "public enemy #1" lately--was in Chicago for the weekend. It was a perfect chance for him to visit his mother, who doesn't get along with Shep, and to see his buddies.
In the late night hours, he, myself, The Attorney and Nern gathered at The Attorney's parents' house (he was housesitting) for a nightcap. I'm not much of a scotch-man, but my three pals indulged in a glass of fine scotch on the rocks. The four of us sat down at the kitchen table at Nern's request. We needed to have a "sit-down" in his opinion.
The point of this conversation was to discuss what had gone down in December when Master K skipped Nern's 30th because Shep was "too sick for him to leave her home." It was an event a good friend would certainly not want to miss, especially after RSVP'ing weeks before that he was going. However, the night of party Master K called to say they both would not be coming, mainly because she didn't want him to go without her. It didn't go over well, especially with those who already had their negative feelings towards Shep. Of course, this compounded some sour feelings that were caused by the same couple blowing off Nern and his wife the very moring the four were heading several hours away to a Big 10 football showdown.
Master K stood by his decision on the night of the 30th, but deeply regretted his classless backing out of the football trip at the last second. The Attorney made it very well known how disgusted he was by it. Nern, in his usual laid-back way, didn't seem all too aggravated by what had happened, but in another sense hr had to be on some level deep down or else he wouldn't have called for this "meeting."
As I sat there and listened to the boys, I wondered how often this conversation had occured between us in 2-on-2 situations. I know I had talked about it with The Attorney, but it also appeared Nern had it with him, and Attorney may have had with with Master K when he visited him the weekend before. I realized I was never angry about what K did, at least not as much as my other two good friends, but I recognized that the last few months had certainly put a huge space in our circle. We've all been consumed by work and other events in our life, and had lost some touch.
Nern then opened the floor to get any other dirty laundry aired out. I opted to not go to the whole "Your girlfriends don't quite make mine feel welcome" route, simply because I think Batgirl could do a better job of opening up herself. I did however decide to clear the air on the infamous joke Nern made about being able to take Batgirl's job when he announced he got a gig to represent the Dept. of Education. I let him know that while he was joking, and I know he was joking, Batgirl didn't take it that way since she's been in the position where a lawyer has threatened her with her job. I then asked him what he would do if the situation ever arose where a parent wanted him to confront her about a "situation" with their child. My longtime pal did not hesitate: "I'd decline the case. Conflict of interest. I couldn't let us end up in that position."
It was nice to hear it. This opened up the floor to my friends about how they felt about Batgirl, and it was heartwarming to hear their accolades. It then went on to a discussion about how we, as longtime pals, need to support our friends' choices of love interests, especially when our own girls get catty about them. I found that recommendation to be quite interesting. We all know at one time or another our girlfriends may not have been held in the highest regard by the guys, but it doesn't take a fool to see that women can be cold bitches to each other. Especially when they first meet. We've seen it with our own. I guess the plan is to try and be positive, and maybe they'll figure out how important it is they try to get along.
I'm not sure how easy the support will be for Master K to marry Shep, especially if she continues to treat Batgirl like trash when they are in each other's presence. No matter what, though, I know this is who he loves, and who he's known he wants to marry as far back as Summer of 2004. I can't change his mind, nor do I want to try. I'll let him recognize what others may be seeing on his own.
The next night, while Batgirl and I were driving back from her cousin's wedding, she asked a wise-ass question about whether Nern had talked about any teacher's whose jobs he was trying to take. I chuckled and said, "Funny you bring that up. We talked about what happened in December while we were together last night."
I told her what he said, and she seemed happy, almost relieved. She actually smiled. I then followed it up with,"You know, my friends are good people. If there weren't I wouldn't be friends with them for over 20 years. They speak very highly of you, too."
I'm not sure what it will take for Batgirl to finally understand my friends' willingness to accept her, but I think revealing Friday night's discussion with the boys was a big step in the right direction.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:03 AM,
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Overworked, and Looking for Hope
February 16, 2007
Looks like the days of being able to update the blog on a daily basis are becoming a thing of the past.
Once upon a time, I had time for me and my interests. Now, I'm consumed by my job. Not in a good way.
The last three weeks have been pretty rough, and events of this week are making me wonder if I got too desperate this summer when I left the hellhole I was in. Now, not only am just as (if not more) overwhelmed as I was at this time a year ago, but it doesn't help that I am in a new industry and have had to endure my lessons through trial by fire. My lunch breaks have been non-existant; Thursday I ate my first piece of food around 8pm. Before that, my breakfast was a cup of coffee at Batgirl's apartment around 7am. I've stayed at the office past 6pm for 5 straight days, causing myself to be very late for Valentine's Day dinner at Batgirl's.
I suppose I need to speak up to my boss, who doesn't work at my office and see my frustration daily. My pride stands in my way because, I'm basically admitting I can't hack it. 7 months is not enough time to make an evaluation of whether or not a company is not the right fit for me, especially considering it didn't feel like this a month or so ago. Still, I can think back to different occasions when people would ask if I like the job, and my answer from the heart to them was,"Well, I won't say I love it."
I'm beginning to think subconciously I was keeping myself from admitting I jumped too quickly at the first opportunity I got. That's not to say this company is a bad one to work for, but I think that as it has grown substantially over the last few years, it's lost that small-company feel to it and people aren't having as much enjoyment. It is now a viable national enterprise, and the pressures to maintain it may be taking away from the very things that helped make it grow. I don't know that for sure since I'm a short-timer, but since my cousin has been there for about 5 years, I've heard enough to give me reason to believe it's gotten too big for its britches. I'm now in the same boat he was in before they hired me: struggling to keep sane, and carrying a heavy workload. Difference here is he knows his shit, and I'm just scratching the surface.
Friday afternoon can't come soon enough, and I certainly hope I figure out a way to get a handle next week. I really would like to get on a career path instead of jumping to new jobs and industries every 3-4 years like I have since graduating college. I really hoped this stop would be the first step in the right direction, but as I begin to see work creeping into the corners of my personal life, I can't help but wonder if I took a step and it was off the edge of a cliff.
Oh--and Valentine's Day was nice. Batgirl was very understanding since she was well aware of the stress I've been enduring. We exchanged small gifts (she loved the scrapbook, which I started with some ticket stubs and recipes for meals I've cooked for us), and baked our own huge pizza we prepared together. We've now seen each other every day over the last week, and it's been nice. In one year, the most we would see each other on consecutive days on average would normally be 3 days, centered around a weekend. I always wondered if that would weigh on us, but it's good to see it hasn't. In a long stretch where little has seemed to go right, at least the one constant is how at ease and happy Batgirl makes me feel.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:00 AM,
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My Stomach is Turning...
February 12, 2007
After three straight days of long hours in the office that followed two days of driving for 13 hours, I spend my weekend with a weak stomach. No, it had nothing to do with the drama surrounding Anna Nicole Smith's death.
Very late Thursday night/very early Friday morning, I woke with chills, body ache, and a bad case of the runs. That was pretty much my night. By dawn, I had developed a fever and there was just no way I was going to be a trooper and make it to the office. Talk about a bummer. I was so looking forward to having a clear mind on Friday at 5pm. Instead, I was curled up on a sofa wrapped in a bathrobe, a blanket, and the heat jacked up to 72 degrees in the house. Batgirl did me a favor by going on a shopping spree and picking me up cans of ginger ale, chicken soup, Vitamin Water and Gatorade.
Miraculously, my fever broke by Saturday morning and I had my energy back. My stomach was still quite uneasy, and Batgirl preferred I sit out painting for the afternoon in favor of rest so we could spend the evening together. I was glad because it gave me a chance to attempt to buy her Valentine's Day gift, which I had intended to be a jewelry box (she REALLY needs one). With my stomach on shaky ground, I went to about three four different stores and none were selling them. What the fuck it that all about?! Apparently Christmas time is the only time of year people need jewelry boxes?!
By Sunday, I thought I was 100%. I ate normally at breakfast, did some work for a couple of hours at Batgirl's house, then we had to go to my folks' for a birthday dinner in honor of two of my aunts. I had trouble eating, and I felt like I began to burn up again. I got lethargic, and as of right now my stomach is feeling like it did just before I hit the sheets Thursday night. Is there some kind of bug going around?
Well, timing couldn't be worse as I am too busy at work to be sick, plus Valentine's Day is in two days and I need to get together Batgirl's gift (I'm opting for a scrapbook I saw in one of the stores she likes to shop at, since she wants to put one together). In between, I told her I'd help her do some top-to-bottom cleaning in her house before she finally moves in next week during vacation. Why the hell is there a Valentine's Day? In the middle of the week on my least favorite day of the week, no less.
Ah yeah. Thank God it's Monday. An even better reason to feel sick to your stomach, eh?
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:08 AM,
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A Crazy, Wearying Stretch
February 09, 2007
Finally, I have a moment to sit down and update my blog. It seems like ages since I've posted anything remotely significant. Tonight, while it's a little later than I'd like it to be since I worked a near-11 hour day, I have some "oomph" to post.
I've gotten a kick out of some of the comments in the last week or so. The predictions of a marriage proposal and co-habitation with Batgirl were amusing. Alas, those decisions have not been made. Yet. Quitting the job is not in cards either as I have little room to gamble with finances. Thank God it's tax time. I could use a nice, fat return right about now.
Last week was one of the most draining I've ever had. I was coming off the great 1st anniversary weekend with Batgirl, when we had a little bit of a tiff a couple nights later. She was having a stressful first couple of days to begin her week, and things sort of boiled over last Tuesday night. We were having a fun conversation, when suddenly she got bitchy with me because I was talking about going on a ski trip with my dad and people from my last company I worked for, and how it interferes with the conference basketball tournament my college is playing in the same weekend. I have no clue why she went off, except that it made her feel like I'm prioritizing different things in my life, and I don't appear to be considering our future together...or something like that. I guess this was all amplified by something her brother-in-law did over that weekend, when he went to visit a friend of his on a Friday night in another state and ended up staying over, leaving his wife and infant daughter alone.
For the first time in the year we'd been together, I began to see that Batgirl was growing impatient about the marriage issue. Afterall, she's bought a house, one she envisions us living in as a married couple (and to an extent I can too). She's going to be 34 this summer, to boot. I didn't want to run away from the issue and I made sure I went over to her place the next night for a face to face talk.
It was a good talk. Not every card was put out on the table, but some of them. I've come to realize that there is a big part of me who wants to pop the question. I'm very happy with Batgirl, but then there are moments like last Tuesday night when the whole friends-thing comes up (or "Boys' Town" as her family calls it, when a guy puts a good time with his buddies ahead of responsibility and loved ones) and we don't see eye to eye. I then have my doubts I can live a life like this, one that is also for another. The revealing thing is I'm now starting to find out this is the same bullshit my friends go through behind the scenes. I never knew it before, and feel a bit relieved in a way.
An example is my old roommate had this "Boys' Town" issue with his girl until they moved in together last Spring. Now, they are engaged, and because they see each other daily, the occasion of doing things seperately every now and then isn't the big deal. it once was. The difference here, though, is Batgirl has already told me we can't live together unless we are married. I respect that, but I know the underlying reason for that isn't 100% her principles; it's her parents'.
To add to the struggle, I really can't afford a ring, and I have to become a more financially responsible person before I even think about becoming a husband and father. The cure for the finances could come if my brother does get moved to another state for his job.
That was another big bit of news from last week that really distracted me. He told me he's 99% sure this move will happen. If we can sell the house at the price it's worth, we could pocket about $30,000 each. That would pay off all of my student loans and other debt, with money left over. Of course, the other question would be where do I live. That, and how much we end up selling the house for is what makes the proposition of my brother moving out so scary. I can't afford the house alone, and I don't want to rent the rooms out to strangers. I'd also hate to give the place away and want fair value. Now is not a great time to sell.
Then there is work. On average, I'm working 10 hours a day, with maybe 20-30 minute break for lunch. Of course, that is if you consider eating while you work casually as lunch. As fast as my company has been growing, they seem to keep trying to do less with more on the service side (which I'm a part of). My project workload is ridiculous, and it's finally caught the attention of members of management. I'm not holding my breath, but it would be nice to see a hire to help me...and a little bump in pay wouldn't hurt either.
I wanted to elaborate so much more on events ch from the last week, but who the hell has time to read it all? If only I had been updating nightly. I'm thankful another hard week in the office is drawing to a close, however the weekend is going to be all about the finishing touches to Batgirl's house so she can finally move in during February vacation. Work never stops.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:19 AM,
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Too Busy to Blog
February 06, 2007
Yeah I read all the speculation in the comments from my last post. Not quite what y'all think. No ring is in the works. Relax. Once again, it's a late night and I couldn't get to a computer sooner. Life's been going as fast as Kevin Federline's in the Nationwide Insurance Super Bowl video. I absolutely need to go to bed so this post is going to be another teaser-type. I just spent over 12 hours in a car over the last 36 hours, so you can understand why I need ot hit the sack. Here's what's happened over the last several days:
- Batgirl and I had the official start of "The Talk." Let's say my mind is beginning to work in a way I wasn't anticipating when we headed into our first anniversary.
- I learned I will likely need to sell my house in the coming weeks because my brother, who lives in and owns the property with me, may be moving three states away due to his job.
- The job is fucking dranining me of much motivation to work on a computer when I come home at night...late at night.
- My close friend Gian lost his father suddenly at the end of last week, and I attended the funeral today...several hours away. I just got back.
Tuesday night won't quite bring you an in-depth post as Batgirl and I have tickets to a college basketball game and I probably won't be home until this time again. I know, I know; I'm being a bad blogger. What's a guy to do when free time is coming to him with scarcity?
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:08 AM,
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Feeling Like A Beaten Man
February 01, 2007
Looks like a pretty lost week of posting. The job's been sapping me of energy, putting in 9-10 hour days with maybe 20 minutes to a half an hour for lunch somewhere in there. It doesn't stop in the office as there's some stressful events going on in the personal life too. Let's just say that I think the next day to a week is going to set the table for the next chapter of my life. Stay tuned...
posted by That 30's Guy @ 10:14 PM,
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