A Happy Home, but Feeling the Heat
February 27, 2007
Last week busy in a good way, hence the absence from posting anything meaningful. It was a welcome change from prior weeks when what we keeping my busy was the job. Last week, it was personal. That’s a good thing.
Most of my after-work hours were spent helping Batgirl get settled into her new home. After owning it for nearly two months, she finally was determined to get moved in. Taking full advantage of school vacation, she and her family had her out of her old apartment and into her home in four days. They worked like animals. I felt bad that I didn’t take part in the bulk of the moving, but I needed to work and Batgirl insisted I save my vacation time for more recreational activities. Finally, by Friday night, she, her parents and I shared the first official dinner in her new home. She actually got choked up during the toast, and it was really touching. Then, for the first time in 4 ½ years, she was able to have her dog sleep under the same roof (in the place she calls home, not her parents). It obviously was a victorious day in Batgirl’s life, which has had its share of emotional hardship (divorce, unable to keep her dog at her apartment, bad luck dating assholes).
Saturday, she and I used gift certificates for a massage, visited my cousin and her newborn son, then capped the day off with the dinner cruise she bought for a combo anniversary/Valentine’s Day gift. We needed an evening like that one. The view of the city was fantastic, and the food was as good to boot. The evening on the cruise, and a fun Sunday dinner in honor of my brother’s birthday at my parents’ place, brought some peace of my mind to me. You see, I came into the weekend with some turbulence in my mind regarding our relationship.
Here is where no matter how hard I try not to, I'm going to vilify my girlfriend.
In case you missed it, she and I attended a college basketball game early last week. It was a game my best friend, Ren, was going to be at with his wife. They were taking seats from Nern’s two spare season tickets, and sitting with he and his wife. Batgirl and I sat in our seats on the other side of the arena. At halftime, we bumped into the whole gang, and then came the offer: “There some empty seats by us; why don’t you come join us?” I got a big nervous because I wasn’t sure what the right answer would be. Visions of the episode in December where Batgirl didn’t want us to site with my friends came to mind. I disappointed myself and lied.
“We’re going back to sit with Batgirl’s dad, who is up in section 230. We may,” I said.
Her dad was at the game, but we had no intention of going to sit with him. As we parted ways, Ren hollered back and asked where we’d be going for post-game beers, and told him the bar across the street. As we headed to the seats, I mentioned to Batgirl that I knew she didn’t really want to sit with them, and that’s why I lied. A part of me hoped she’d say, I really don’t have a problem with us sitting with them. It didn’t happen though. I knew I was wishing for too much. The funny thing is, we never even went to visit her dad the whole night. Instead, we went back to our seats and watched the end of an exciting game. Needless to say, I felt guilty.
After the game, we did hit the bar, only no one joined us. My guilt got heavier. I wondered if they could tell I was lying for Batgirl. Even though it was late and Nern and his wife are about 6 months pregnant, I felt more disappointment. In the end, it was good they didn’t because Batgirl and I got into a talk about the potential of my brother’s potential move to Albany, which would lead to us having to selling our house. Batgirl was upset because it seemed my future was being dictated by what he’d do. She was feeling frustration that I’m not making a decision that affects us as a couple. She then pulled out her infamous,”We’re obviously in a different place.”
That enraged me, because little had she known, I was strongly considering the marriage decision in the days leading up to that night. I never wanted to fill her in on my thought process out of fear my mind could change. That was occurring as the night went on, mainly because of how I handled the invite to watch the 2nd half with my friends. I explained to her that I’m making financial decisions that will allow me to save money to buy a ring, and afford a wedding, but she needed to be patient. I also told her that my ideal situation should I sell my house would be to move in with her and pay rent, but that has been nixed by her because it would be frowned upon be her parents, and she’d feel more comfortable with a firm commitment to us and our future (that is understandable). By the time our talk ended, she understood where I was coming from.
Near the end of the week, I had a talk with by good friend Vegas, who is getting married at the end of the summer. His wife is going to be approaching 36 when they wed, and he totally sympathizes with the pressure I may be feeling. He met his fiancé when we went to Chicago 3+ years ago. They even had an 8-month break from each other. In the end, the guy who I thought was immature and selfish made the move to propose, and tie the knot fast. While younger than me, Vegas was a voice of reason on this night when he asked me to be in his wedding party.
He pointed out that I probably could have handled introducing her to the type of personalities I hang with here at home a little better. I really did thrust her into the group all at one time. Since I can't change what's done, he suggested I start by telling her how guilty I felt about last week, and then ask her what it is about my friends that makes her uncomfortable. Try not to be confrontational, which I have a habit of doing. Most of all, don't just automatically say yes to weekend invites because I never know, she may have something in store for us.
Sunday night, we did have what I thought would be an awkward moment after dinner. The discussion about my brother's professional future came up, and my grandmother (in her own sweet, but intrusive way) asked me what I would do. I answered honestly we'd sell the house. That's when she followed up with,"So, you'd move in with Batgirl then?" I felt the air rush out of me.
On the way home, Batgirl giggled and I asked what was amusing her. She repeated my grandmother's question. It was nice she got some humor out of it, especially considering how serious our talk became at the bar on Tuesday night. In spite of all the pressure we both are feeling about what happens next, I still believe we can make it all work.
As we said goodnight Sunday, and I left Batgirl in her new house alone for the first time, she commented she looked forward to the day I could stay all the time. Ya know what? I felt a bit sad when I went my seperate way, just like I felt a week ago. Perhaps when I am with her, I do feel like I am at home.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:02 AM,
