Overworked, and Looking for Hope
February 16, 2007
Looks like the days of being able to update the blog on a daily basis are becoming a thing of the past.
Once upon a time, I had time for me and my interests. Now, I'm consumed by my job. Not in a good way.
The last three weeks have been pretty rough, and events of this week are making me wonder if I got too desperate this summer when I left the hellhole I was in. Now, not only am just as (if not more) overwhelmed as I was at this time a year ago, but it doesn't help that I am in a new industry and have had to endure my lessons through trial by fire. My lunch breaks have been non-existant; Thursday I ate my first piece of food around 8pm. Before that, my breakfast was a cup of coffee at Batgirl's apartment around 7am. I've stayed at the office past 6pm for 5 straight days, causing myself to be very late for Valentine's Day dinner at Batgirl's.
I suppose I need to speak up to my boss, who doesn't work at my office and see my frustration daily. My pride stands in my way because, I'm basically admitting I can't hack it. 7 months is not enough time to make an evaluation of whether or not a company is not the right fit for me, especially considering it didn't feel like this a month or so ago. Still, I can think back to different occasions when people would ask if I like the job, and my answer from the heart to them was,"Well, I won't say I love it."
I'm beginning to think subconciously I was keeping myself from admitting I jumped too quickly at the first opportunity I got. That's not to say this company is a bad one to work for, but I think that as it has grown substantially over the last few years, it's lost that small-company feel to it and people aren't having as much enjoyment. It is now a viable national enterprise, and the pressures to maintain it may be taking away from the very things that helped make it grow. I don't know that for sure since I'm a short-timer, but since my cousin has been there for about 5 years, I've heard enough to give me reason to believe it's gotten too big for its britches. I'm now in the same boat he was in before they hired me: struggling to keep sane, and carrying a heavy workload. Difference here is he knows his shit, and I'm just scratching the surface.
Friday afternoon can't come soon enough, and I certainly hope I figure out a way to get a handle next week. I really would like to get on a career path instead of jumping to new jobs and industries every 3-4 years like I have since graduating college. I really hoped this stop would be the first step in the right direction, but as I begin to see work creeping into the corners of my personal life, I can't help but wonder if I took a step and it was off the edge of a cliff.
Oh--and Valentine's Day was nice. Batgirl was very understanding since she was well aware of the stress I've been enduring. We exchanged small gifts (she loved the scrapbook, which I started with some ticket stubs and recipes for meals I've cooked for us), and baked our own huge pizza we prepared together. We've now seen each other every day over the last week, and it's been nice. In one year, the most we would see each other on consecutive days on average would normally be 3 days, centered around a weekend. I always wondered if that would weigh on us, but it's good to see it hasn't. In a long stretch where little has seemed to go right, at least the one constant is how at ease and happy Batgirl makes me feel.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:00 AM,
