Testosterone Tuesday: Patriots, Playoffs, & Porn
January 23, 2007
A great day of football on Sunday was had by all.Except if you're a Saints fan, and ESPECIALLY if you are one of football's most spoiled--a Patriots fan.
As a native New Englander who still has many friends and family who are homers and root for this decade's "dynasty," I can finally understand how annoying us Red Sox fans must have sounded after winning the 2004 World Series after the week. After the years of barbs from Patriot fans, I've made the startling discovery that these same people truly do behave like the very thing they despise during baseball season: a Yankee fan.
If you don't know what I mean, then I'll explain it. Arrogant, like when this past weekend's AFC Championship game against the Colts was set , the Patriot fan started making arrangements to Miami for Super Bowl XLI. Cocky, like when the playoffs begin the Pats fan starts talking matter-of-factly about who they expect to face in the Super Bowl, like it's a given their team will be playing there. Spoiled, like assuming when each season starts that the AFC East will be a cakewalk, and an AFC Championship game is a permanent part of the yearly schedule.
This season, Patriots fan, Peyton Manning and the Colts had different plans for you, just like our mutually beloved Red Sox had for the same type of nemesis Yankees in 2004. These Colts had that something it took to come back from adversity and get over the hump, reminiscient of our 2004 Sawx's 3-0 deficit going into Game 4 of the ALCS vs. the Yank-me's. Yesterday, trailing by 18 going into the closing minutes of the 1st half, the much-maligned Manning lead his team on two impressive scoring drives to cut down the lead to 8, then came back again to tie it. Imagine, his coach Tony Dungy was out-coaching the "legendary" Bill Belichick, the "God of the Salary-Cap Football Era," just like Terry Francona did to the "legendary" Joe Torre in 2004.
Yes, Patriots fan. YOU got the taste of the same thing those damn Yankee fans had in 2004. I hope you remember it in 2007 before you begin to decry that Tom Brady is going to lead the league in passing yards and TD's, the AFC East will be a joke, and you start looking for your tailgate spot at Gillette Stadium for the AFC Championship Game before even one September kickoff. Then, remember how much you hate hearing Yankee fan write off our Sox before one opening pitch, before one David Ortiz game-winning homer.
Sickening isn't it?
Gotcha.
- So now that we are down to the final two teams in the NFL, let's see how I fared in my pre-season football picks for the AFC & NFC: I picked the Saints and Jets to finish last, my Giants to win the NFC East and get to the Super Bowl, the Chargers to be in 3rd, but at least I got the Colts to be in the Super Bowl.
- Speaking of my Giants: bravo to getting rid of defensive coordinator Tim Lewis, who never should have been hired in the first place. Thumbs down to hiring Kevin Gilbride as the offensive coordinator, and for not hiring Jim Mora Jr to be the new DC. I'm hopeful Monday's hiring of Eagles' LB coach Steve Spagnuolo is a step in the right direction.
- I'm not ashamed to admit that when I can't sleep on a Sunday night (which is often), I flip on Skinemax to see such quality programs as Hotel Erotica and Best Sex Ever. Last night, I was introduced to one of the hottest, and nautral, porn star beauties I've ever seen: Monique Alexander. She's almost 25, has no tatoos or boob job, and has that girl-next-door innocent look about her. While this episode of Best Sex Ever: "Boy Toy" was from 2003, I'm anxious to see if Monique has kept true to her craft.
- Will someone tell that tub Rosie O'Donnell to keep her big trap shut? After winning her too-public war in the media with Donald Trump (at least in most's, except my, opinion), she's now going after Paula Abdul because she clearly appeared bombed in recent media appearances and American Idol. Life was so much quieter when O.D. was on the D.L.
- I guess when you have more team arrests than wins, it explains why the Bengals finished a very disappointing 8-8 in 2006.
- Switching gears to people with class, it's great to see Tony Dungy, Lovie Smith, Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison succeeding and getting their chance at glory. In a sportsworld filled with too many Terrell Owens's, the NBA's Ricky Davis's & Steven Jackson's, and Boston College's Sean Williams's, it's refreshing to see.
- Guilty Pleasure Admission #2: I'm loving the resurgence of the 1985 Chicago Bears' "Super Bowl Shuffle."
- I'm still trying to figure out if the Keeley Hazell sex video is hot, or just plain blah. There is just way too much of her boyfriend's ass, and not enough of her bodacious breasts bouncing around.
- More Kudos to the NFL for giving head-coaching opportunities to African-Americans. The Pittsburgh Steelers gave an unknown assistant coach named Mike Tomlin a chance to carry the torch lit by Bill Cowher, and Chuck Noll before him. I wish him much success.
- The same can't be said about 1-A NCAA football, which has just 7 out of 110 coaching jobs going to a minority. If the absence of a playoff system wasn't enough evidence of how crooked college football is, just look at the stat I gave you there.
- Memo to Michael Vick: if you thought your job security was shaky after this past season, you really are fucked going into next season. Can Atlanta Falcon-fan say, "Matt Shaub?"
- I was never impressed by Mena Suvari, even after her memorable bed-of-roses scene in American Beauty. These recent topless photos of Mena at the beach do even less for me.
Give me Monique Alexander any day of the week, including Sunday.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:03 AM,
