Pall Bearer
January 17, 2007
As you probably deduced from the silence of the last couple of days, Batgirl's aunt did indeed lose her battle with cancer. The wake and funeral was over the last couple of days, and leading up to that ironically was the baptism of Batgirl's 2-month old niece. It's amazing to think that a couple of days after the life of one family member begins (in the eyes of the Catholic Church), the life of another ends with a funeral. Yeah, it was a very busy and emotional weekend with Batgirl's family, and I went along on the ride willingly.
The love these people share is tremendous, and the appreciation for my presence in their lives and in Batgirl's was never felt more evident than when Batgirl's dad asked me to be a pall bearer for the deceased aunt. I only met this aunt twice, with the most recent meeting being in July where I amazed many by holding a long conversation with her at the dinner table while most of the family was off mingling with guests as Batgirl's brother's wedding. I learned that day, and details of my relationship with Batgirl that the aunt undoubtedly would get from her niece, left a great impression on a woman I barely knew. While it felt very awkward, I accepted. That side of the family had few people who could take on the responsibility, and by being asked to do so was amazing.
I was also shocked by the behavior of Batgirl's uncle, who has been devestated by the untimely death of his wife. He is a man with a great many issues (he never told his own family that his wife was dying of cancer; they learned about it in the death notices), and he spent the entire time at the wake slumped forward in a chair, barely greeting mourners, and rarely saying a word to Batgirl's family. For some reason, he never cared for his wife's family, and he kept her away from them as much as possible for many years. This resulted in the aunt missing many-a-memories with her nieces and nephew. It was only in these last few months that everyone learned the truth about the prison her life had become, and in some sick way, I think this was God's way of setting her free.
In all likelihood, Batgirl's uncle will fade into obscurity, and what happens with the 19-year-old cousin (who I caught taking a photo with his cell phone of Batgirl and her mom kneeling at the closed casket, BTW) will be interesting. He handled his mother's illness and eventual death like it wasn't even happening, and he seems to have the attitude of his father that he doesn't need his mother's family being involved in his life. No matter though, because both Batgirl and her mother said they'd try to keep in touch with him.
When I see sad situations like this, it reminds me how lucky I am, and how lucky my girlfriend is, that we have such loving families. This poor cousin of hers is probably going to be as lost of a soul as his father, and there will be nothing his deceased mother's family will be able to do about it. Yes, I felt horrible these two men lost a wife and a mother, but the unhealthy way of dealing with it disgusted me in a way. Shit, I didn't even get a thank you for being a pall bearer from either of them. At least Batgirl and her family were extremely grateful, and that's what was most important to me.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:05 AM,
