Airing of Grievances
February 20, 2007
You could call last Friday, "Festivus Friday." It was an airing of grievances over occurances over the last three months of 2006.
Master K, who I had not spoken to since the day Batgirl closed on her house, was making a surprise visit for the weekend. His fiance, Shep--who has emerged into a sort of "public enemy #1" lately--was in Chicago for the weekend. It was a perfect chance for him to visit his mother, who doesn't get along with Shep, and to see his buddies.
In the late night hours, he, myself, The Attorney and Nern gathered at The Attorney's parents' house (he was housesitting) for a nightcap. I'm not much of a scotch-man, but my three pals indulged in a glass of fine scotch on the rocks. The four of us sat down at the kitchen table at Nern's request. We needed to have a "sit-down" in his opinion.
The point of this conversation was to discuss what had gone down in December when Master K skipped Nern's 30th because Shep was "too sick for him to leave her home." It was an event a good friend would certainly not want to miss, especially after RSVP'ing weeks before that he was going. However, the night of party Master K called to say they both would not be coming, mainly because she didn't want him to go without her. It didn't go over well, especially with those who already had their negative feelings towards Shep. Of course, this compounded some sour feelings that were caused by the same couple blowing off Nern and his wife the very moring the four were heading several hours away to a Big 10 football showdown.
Master K stood by his decision on the night of the 30th, but deeply regretted his classless backing out of the football trip at the last second. The Attorney made it very well known how disgusted he was by it. Nern, in his usual laid-back way, didn't seem all too aggravated by what had happened, but in another sense hr had to be on some level deep down or else he wouldn't have called for this "meeting."
As I sat there and listened to the boys, I wondered how often this conversation had occured between us in 2-on-2 situations. I know I had talked about it with The Attorney, but it also appeared Nern had it with him, and Attorney may have had with with Master K when he visited him the weekend before. I realized I was never angry about what K did, at least not as much as my other two good friends, but I recognized that the last few months had certainly put a huge space in our circle. We've all been consumed by work and other events in our life, and had lost some touch.
Nern then opened the floor to get any other dirty laundry aired out. I opted to not go to the whole "Your girlfriends don't quite make mine feel welcome" route, simply because I think Batgirl could do a better job of opening up herself. I did however decide to clear the air on the infamous joke Nern made about being able to take Batgirl's job when he announced he got a gig to represent the Dept. of Education. I let him know that while he was joking, and I know he was joking, Batgirl didn't take it that way since she's been in the position where a lawyer has threatened her with her job. I then asked him what he would do if the situation ever arose where a parent wanted him to confront her about a "situation" with their child. My longtime pal did not hesitate: "I'd decline the case. Conflict of interest. I couldn't let us end up in that position."
It was nice to hear it. This opened up the floor to my friends about how they felt about Batgirl, and it was heartwarming to hear their accolades. It then went on to a discussion about how we, as longtime pals, need to support our friends' choices of love interests, especially when our own girls get catty about them. I found that recommendation to be quite interesting. We all know at one time or another our girlfriends may not have been held in the highest regard by the guys, but it doesn't take a fool to see that women can be cold bitches to each other. Especially when they first meet. We've seen it with our own. I guess the plan is to try and be positive, and maybe they'll figure out how important it is they try to get along.
I'm not sure how easy the support will be for Master K to marry Shep, especially if she continues to treat Batgirl like trash when they are in each other's presence. No matter what, though, I know this is who he loves, and who he's known he wants to marry as far back as Summer of 2004. I can't change his mind, nor do I want to try. I'll let him recognize what others may be seeing on his own.
The next night, while Batgirl and I were driving back from her cousin's wedding, she asked a wise-ass question about whether Nern had talked about any teacher's whose jobs he was trying to take. I chuckled and said, "Funny you bring that up. We talked about what happened in December while we were together last night."
I told her what he said, and she seemed happy, almost relieved. She actually smiled. I then followed it up with,"You know, my friends are good people. If there weren't I wouldn't be friends with them for over 20 years. They speak very highly of you, too."
I'm not sure what it will take for Batgirl to finally understand my friends' willingness to accept her, but I think revealing Friday night's discussion with the boys was a big step in the right direction.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:03 AM,
