Don't Call it a Comeback
April 28, 2007
My God. My blog has been neglected worse than Britney Spears' kids. Sorry I've been gone so long...a whole month. When I said there would be a slowdown, I didn't count on an absence as long as this.
As you can imagine, I've been pretty stressed out on the job. On average, I'm spending about 10 hours at my desk a day, taking maybe 20-30 minutes for lunch. The good part is my managers know how overwhelmed I am and ended up handing some projects over to my cousin (not sure if anyone recalls he works for the same company as me). It's ironic because they hired me to take the load off of him last July. I'm being told they will promote one of the guys from another department to work beside me, however he won't be officially bumped up until June. I joked that I may be in a mental hospital by then when I was told that.
In my relationship with Batgirl, we've had some rocky times of late. It revolves around our whole future. She is ready to get married, but she doesn't feel like I'm on the same page. The reality is, for months I've made the decision I do want to get married to her. Just not this year. I have debts I want to either pay off or put a serious dent in. The one I've been most focused on is the car loan, and my plan to pay that off this past month was changed when she and I decided to go to Orlando for a 3 days, 3 nights getaway. We both had been put through the wringer at our jobs and felt it would be nice to get away to somewhere warm.
Turned out, that trip was more stressful than anything we were dealing with at our occupations.
We got suckered into one of those timeshare sales presentations, only doing it because it would give us 2 tickets for the price of 1 to MGM. I have to tell ya...Disney has quite the racket going on down there with $70 for one adult. I digress. We sat down and listened to what the guy had to say, and surprisingly, the opportunity was very good and affordable between the two of us. So, we did something out of our character and agreed to purchase a piece of the resort we visited. We thought it was too good to pass up, and with all the discussions we've had in recent months about marriage, I felt comfortable with the move. A part of me, however, anticipated this would cause Batgirl to stress on our final day in town.
I must be a fucking genius, because it did.
I made a comment that I had not even begun to shop for wedding rings. That was a dumb thing to say, but it was the reality, and I said it too casually. That stuck with her all day and long after we got back. Most of the day at MGM, she kept quiet and I could see the wheels turning. I finally demanded she tell me what was up, and right there outside the Tower of Terror that she was convincing me to go on (I hate rides like that where you suddenly drop), we hashed things out.
That evening, as we shared a beer before using tickets to Pleasure Island, the conversation about our future came up again. I could see her getting upset, so I suggested we leave the hotel bar and go back up to our room to talk. We ended up having a real deep conversation that ruined our night, and kept us in the room. We ordered a 6-pack of Coors Light and a pizza. Batgirl went to bed crying, her back to me and not willing to receive my consolatin. I woke up the next day feeling horrible and broke down myself, but this time she calmed me down. We didn't deny we love each other, it's just we need to figure out how we can make things work financially, especially with the purchase of the timeshare. This was last Thursday.
Well, from the time we got back that Thursday night to last Saturday morning, we did nothing but talk about the marriage topic. We decided it would be best to cancel the timeshare purchase (we had 10 days to cancel) so we both could use those payments to pay bills that are more immediate. While the opportunity was great, we felt like it didn't make sense at this very point in time with us not being married and trying to pay off some loans. It did however, get very heated Saturday morning when she got it out of me that I am just not sure whether or not we should get married, money aside. What's my issue? I want to be 100% sure that she doesn't expect our lives to be in bubble, where it's just us and our families and no close friends like my world is now. She claims that's not going to be the case, but I have my doubts and I've made that known.
The trip to Florida was going to be my barometer as to where our relationship was at. I decided that before we left. Based on how things felt while we down there alone, just the two of us, I was going to make a decision on if I'd get the ring in the next month, or continue to see if we really are right for the long haul or not. I believed that the stress in our lives caused by work was the reason why we'd been so on edge lately, and the days away would help things and clear my head. Instead, it made me face the reality of what losing her felt like. And it sucked.
I do love Batgirl, but the pressure I was getting last weekend really broke me down emotionally. Last Saturday afternoon, I thought we were going to break up. I felt like a piece of me was being ripped out. It became obvious to me as the day went on that I don't want a life without her. I decided it was time to move forward like an adult and not be afraid. I am now researching how to get out of the mortgage with my brother, and the type of engagement rings. I'm focused on paying off debt more than ever. I told her that, and we ended up having a good Saturday night together and spent the day doing landscaping work around her house. She even popped in to my house Wednesday night because she missed me...and we hadn't had sex since Sunday morning.
As good as things feel now, I fear the day that comes that will be last Saturday all over again. Quite frankly, I'm not sure how many more days like that I'm going to be able to take.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 10:16 AM,
