Talkin' It Out
August 15, 2006
Wow. I've been a pretty lousy blogger in terms of the updates. However, you can't say the material isn't interesting once I get it up there.
Keeping true to the current storyline of interest, this weekend was a positive step forward for Batgirl and I after the week we went through. While she continues to show virtually no interest in getting to know the guys' girlfriends, I'm finally beginning to understand why she is the way she is.
Very late Saturday night, after a wonderful night out on the town together, we were laying in bed. Of course, I was feeling a bit frisky, but in the back of my mind was her proclamation last Sunday night that due to my strip club visit, she'd have a hard time being intimate with me. Her reason, though foolish, was simply she wasn't sure if my mind was on her and us, and not some buxom blond who smothered my face with her D-cups. I decided to hold back, but all the while I could sense her uneasiness. I knew something was on her mind. After I told her that I don't always expect to get sex when we're in bed, she told me emotionally she just couldn't get into it. I then challenged her to tell me what was on her mind.
The flood gates opened and for the next couple of hours, we talked about everything. Our past relationships, what happened in her marriage, why it failed, what the issue is with her interacting with my group of friends, our childhoods and what made us the way we are; a lot got put on the table. The talk about how her divorce happened was at my insistance. I wanted to know what went wrong and what is causing her to overreact and start thinking the other shoe is going to drop when not long ago, she wrote me a card telling me she doesn't have that feeling with me.
Out of respect to my girlfriend and our relationship, I won't get into many details. What I will say is that my many activities with, and importance of, friends in my life had begun to serve as a stark reminder of her ex. His friends took over his life, and she was always second-fiddle. Then he cheated on her. What prompted her feelings to finally rise to the top was the fact that Friday night and all day Saturday I was with my friends for our annual fantasy football draft. Then, we have my friend's wedding this weekend, and in September we have another wedding and a surprise 30th birthday party out of state. Both involve college friends of mine. She was seeing how large a group of close friends I have, as compared to her just one, that being her sister. She made the mistake of following in her mom's footsteps and keeping her social circle to a minimum. Now, in her 30's, she's paying for it.
I decided to put it to her straight. I explained to her that I always promised myself that I would not, under any circumstances, let a woman take over my life and push out the people who've always stood behind me. I told her that these are the people who've grown with me, gone through good times and bad, and are people who are very happy for me that I found her. I told her that she should value the fact I have a place in the hearts and lives of so many people, and it should at least tell her about the kind of man she's with. I also said she should try letting these people in because they are more than willing to accept her into our group. I then asked her if she ever went to therapy to deal with the effects of the divorce. The answer I got was yes, however it was made clear that it was really more marriage counselling. I eluded to the fact that perhaps she should have talked with someone in order to clean up the damage the break up had done on her psyche.
Now--I know a lot of you are going to say hyopcrite after my post last Thursday. Fact of the matter is, the early part of this discussion led me to say,"Yeah--this girl needs to sort a lot of shit out." Ultimately, we were able to open up and lay everything out for the first time in our 6 1/2 months together. She pointed out to me on our drive home how we never really discussed our previous dating experiences, and mainly our sexual history. This was what got the ball rolling for the long talk later on in the night, and I give her kudos for stepping up to the plate with it.
By the time all the talking was over, it was about 3am, and we were really tired, but both of us felt we had a better understanding of how the other thinks. I admit that perhaps I'm too accustomed to the single life, and I need to start considering that I'm with someone who may have plans for us on days events are happening. I'm just so used to being able to make it to everything, and she understands that now. At the same time, I told her that it means a lot to me for her to share in important events in the timeline of my friendships. I explained that staying away from my friends and their significant others, like she did Saturday at my draft (we had a BBQ with the girls afterward), is never going to make getting together with them when we need to any easier. She agreed.
This weekend, she promised to not penalize the other girls in the group all because she doesn't care for one (Master K's girlfriend Shep--who she's only been around twice). The wedding will be an all day affair, and because I'm in it, she will have no choice but to be with the dates. I told her I can't worry about her while I'm participating, and not just on this day but in any function we attend. I assured her if she is just herself, and she gives people a chance, I know she'll be fine. It's also her birthday the day of this wedding, and I will do everything I can to let everyone know so they can pass on their well wishes to her. The more welcome she can feel, the better the day will be for both of us.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 9:20 PM,
