So...This Is My 30's?

Finally--the Final Day, and A Serious Talk
July 20, 2006

I have quite a bit I wanted to post about these last couple of days, but my life has been a whirlwind. Between preparing for my exit tomorrow (YES--TOMORROW) from the job and getting my ducks lined up for the 30th birthday bas on Saturday, I've had little free time. That said, I brief summary of what's on the mind.

Tomorrow (Friday) is my final day after 4 1/2 years working for my soon-to-be-ex-employer. I think it finally started hitting them today that I'm outta here. I've had little opportunity to train the woman stepping into my duties, and I've been told that NO effort has been made to hire a new person for the department. This was a department already understaffed, and the company is in the height of its bust season. I've continued to be reminded over these last two weeks why I'm leaving. It took me voicing my concern for their well-being that prompted more allotted time for me and my co-worker to sit down today. Simply fucking incredible.

I'm not sure if I feel any sadness, or will when I drive out of that parking lot for the final time. Sure, I'll miss a lot of my co-workers who are equally miserable as I am. There's a select crop of customers whom I'll miss dealing with as well (one sent me a photo album as a show of gratitude from my service to her these last 4 years). What I won't miss is the departmental disorganized, the poor treatment of customers when issues arise, the miscommunication between departments, the constant feeling of tension and misery in the office, and lack of appreciation for some in management (like my dad)who had set this company on a path to the growth it's enjoyed. Yeah, it's going to be surreal as I go through the motions tomorrow
Just had a long 90-minute talk with Batgirl. She had a really shitty day, ranging from minor issue, to hurtful one, to serious about us. My primary concerns were that her grandfather made a comment to her that she's put on weight. Now, while she isn't the slimmest and trimmest of women, she still is not overweight in the eyes of many and looks good to me. Shit. When she was over last night helping me clean out my back garage, I barely could contain myself seeing her in this tight black tank top that clung to her C's ever so nicely. The dude is 83, and it doesn't shock me insensitive things come out of his mouth. There's more to this issue, but I can cover that another time.

The next primary issue was in regards to Nern and Angel's wedding next month. I have booked a hotel room near the reception, along with the rest of my friends in the wedding party. You know, so we can have a good time and not worry about driving. Well, Batgirl questioned the need to go back to a hotel that's not very far from where we live to continue partying. I called her out and basically gae it to her that she needs to admit she doesn't feel comfortable with my friends, and that's the issue here. She never fessed up, but nor did she deny the claim. Being that it's her birthday that day, I can understand her desire for private time with me. I also admitted to her that I have to respect her wishes because I am in a relationship, and sometimes one has to turn down something the other doesn't necessarily care to do. Since it's money out of my pocket, I have no problem canceling the room. If I was single, would I have considered not staying there? No.

I went on to openly question how she is going to be able to get through this party Saturday. I explained to her that while she may not think much of some of my friends and their girls, they in turn have said nothing but good things about Batgirl. I told her that she needs to give people a chance before she can make a final decision on them, and I would appreciate it if she just be herself and mingle; let her personality show through Saturday. I warned that if she doesn't, all the hard work she put in is going to be wasted on herself because she won't be enjoying herself. Believe it or not, my harshness was accepted, and she saw my point. "You're very convincing," she said.

"I'm not trying to convince you of anything, " I said. "I'm just telling you the truth."

I feel like a weight was lifted from this talk, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I am a bit concerned with how things will turn out Saturday.

Finally, she brought up concerns about accidental pregnancy. My 22-year-cousin just discovered she is pregnant. While she's been with a great guy for the last few years and there was talk of them getting married, this comes as a shock. The girl is not done with college, and he's trying to get established in his career (he's almost 30, by the way). I haven't spoken to her yet, but I'm not quite sure what to say frankly. I don't feel a "congratulations" is appropriate, but at the same time I'd like to be supportive in some way.

Anyhow, Batgirl is afraid of that happening with us and she doesn't want me to be "stuck" with her the way my cousin and her boyfriend may have to be. I recognize her self-image problem, but I hated the way that sounded. I assured her that she's made me the happiest I've been in a long time, and we will continue to be careful by using the pill and condoms. My feeling is the young couple got sloppy since they've been together for so long and the slip up cost them. While I didn't say it, I do share those same concerns about "accidents," but I think if we are aware of those fears we can avoid it happening. As for the being "stuck" together, I was ready for the question about where this relationship is heading to come next because she's going to be 33 next month. It didn't happen, but I'm sure it crosses her mind, especially considering her sibs are married and her sister has a bun in the oven. If I wanted to have kids of my own and was a woman at 33, I'd probably have the same thing going through my head.

Batgirl has a lot going for her, but at the same time, she has been shit on by too many people. As a result, she isn't seeing herself like I do. I sense tonight's onslaught of heavy conversation topics were brought on by a lot of frustrations going on in her life. At least we were able to get some things out in the air, and hopefully cleared. I told her she needs to start realizing I love her, am her boyfriend, and it's okay to talk to me about what's on her mind. I may regret that, but I do genuinely care and like seeing her happy. After tonight's talk, we both hung up feeling a lot better.
Yep. A couple of more days and this guy joins the ranks of the Thirty-somethings. I learned a lot from my 20's, and I think I'm better equipped to hit this next decade of life than I was as a teen ten years ago. I hoped to do a post to reminisce and reflect on the last ten years, maybe tell some funny stories. I'll try to do that next week. For now, I'm exhausted and want to hit the sack. I'll be tied up all weekend as I prepare for the next chapter of my life (new decade, new job), so enjoy the next three days!