Therapy Not Always The Answer
August 10, 2006
Wow. I'm pretty stunned from the amount of feedback on Monday night's post. Not just because of the amount of comments, but the near unanimous outcry that Batgirl needs to lay down on a couch and get help.
I couldn't disagree with you more.
It took until today for a voice to emerge that made sense. Sandra Dee hit the nail right on the head. Just because my girlfriend has a huge issue with my going to a strip club, she should get some counselling? There are plenty of women out there who I am sure would be fuming over their boyfriends going to a strip club. Eventually, they get over it--just like Batgirl has.
Ever since Monday night, she has pretty much put the issue behind us. Granted, she was getting pretty emotional on Tuesday when we spoke about other things, but a long talk with my good friend Jess helped me put things in perspective. This summer has been a nutty one, and a lot of stuff has gone down as our relationship has intensified. Meeting tons of people over the course of a few weeks & not feeling like she fit in, dissatisfaction with her apartment and the crummy neighborhood she lives in, planning my birthday party and her friend's bridal shower (a wedding she's in that has made her absolutely miserable to be a part of), her 33rd birthday next Saturday, her sister's pregnancy, her younger brother getting married, another wedding next weekend, her aunt being diagnosed with cancer in a lot of places (namely her brain), being relied on by her mom to be the support system because of her aunt's sickness...then me going to a strip club as the cherry on top.
I don't know about you, but as I glance back up at that last paragraph, that's an awful lot of ingredients to throw in the cake. Some people handle an avalanche of bullshit well, others don't. Take me for example: last summer while laying in bed with my long distance ex, I broke down into tears like a little sissy boy. I was going home that day, unsure when I'd see her again. I hated my job, and the stress from it was immense; I couldn't find new work. The summer was ending, and I had done little to enjoy it. I was coping with the realization that I was really in love with someone for the first time in my life. It all came crashing down on me, and I teared up not just that morning, but in the afternoon while taking a shower, when I was packing, then finally at the airport as I walked away from her. Dude--if I was seeing this from the outside I'd recommend therapy for myself!
Reality is, I didn't need it. I just had to suck it up and deal with it. That's what Batgirl is going to do. I told her that everyone goes through some periods like this, and she just needs to deal with it as best she can and not let it consume her. I know she's bummed that the summer is ending and she'll be going back to work soon, and we've spent little time down at the beaches. It's an area of the state we both love, but never seem to make the time because we've been so consumed with committments for other people. I asked her what she'd like to do before the end of the month, and we're going to go down to the beach on Sunday for a picnic and some peace and quiet. Just her and me. Next Sunday, I'm thinking of going on an excursion to an island off the coast of our state as part of her birthday.
As for the issue of her not being able to get along with "the other girls," I'm beginning to see why she feels like she does around them. My best friend Ren's wife has been treated the same way by Angel & Shep (namely), and she went on a rant of compassion for what Batgirl's been through when i mentioed the issue to her. I'm still hesistant to introduce the two women, but I am now beginning to think they may hit it off since they have this in common. Plus, for some reason you women are just too fucking catty when it comes to newcomers. While I think Batgirl is in dire need of friends her own age and outside her immediate family, she's not exactly in many situations that allow that to happen (she works with a lot women in their 40's and 50's). Sure, I think she is a bit insecure, but I am too. A little. If I didn't have her, I doubt my dating life would be all that exciting because I always have had trouble meeting women. We're peas in a pod.
I'm going to see how she is once we get past next weekend before I feel strongly about her needing help. This weekend I'm tied of until Saturday night as my pals and I do our annual fantasy football draft. Next week, we have to deal with two weddings, one on Friday night, and the other on Saturday, and one of us is in either. I can't make the Friday night wedding until the last hour or so of the reception due to my rehearsal and rehearsal dinner committments, but I know it would mean a lot to her if I showed up at some point. Then we can finally exhale.
Oh, and I did the therapy thing once when I was 17 and going into my final months of high school and the whole summer before college. It didn't change who I was. Only time & experience did.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 7:57 PM,
