Nothing But Confusion
November 15, 2006
I got a bit of surprise late yesterday evening when Batgirl called to tell me she was close to putting in a bid on the house we looked at on Sunday. She had been pre-approved for a mortgage under her name alone, for close to the price she was going to offer. The surprise was due to the fact a couple of days had gone by and we had been given this impression from the real estate agent that there were two bids on the house. I figured Batgirl was going to let it go by. I was glad to hear it, and the enthusiasm in her voice brought a smile to my face. I knew, deep down, Sunday was not about marriage, or someone to make her decision. She wants to move forward in life, saw a house she adored, and wanted to seize the opportunity.
We talked about what she could offer, if she should low ball a bit since the house was really not bid on yet (according to a connection she has in the same realty office as the agent we met Sunday). I reiterated to her that she needs to be 100% sure that she can handle the mortgage, on top of the insurance, taxes, and whatever else could come up. I also suggested she could try to see if they could include the closing costs in the offer, just like I did when I bought my place. I suggested she drop by and we could go through my old paperwork so she could see the process. She thought that would be a great idea.
Then she said it: "Do you think I should tell my parents before I get deep into this?"
I got a bed feeling in my gut. I questioned what the reason would be since she hadn't formally offered anything and was in the early stages. She got the ok without her dad as a co-signer, so their blessing shouldn't be necessary.
She told me she would be over after picking up a small pizza. I hurried to run an errand, than went through my files to find all the paperwork I saved from the purchasing process. Time continued to tick. Soon almost an an hour and a half had passed. I decided to call her since it was getting to be almost 9:30. She answered her cell, her tone sounding down. "Where are you?" I asked.
"I'm just leaving my parents now," she said. I could hear disappointment in her voice. She broke into tears a bit. Just as I suspected, her effort to make an adult decision was met with protest. Mainly, the protest was coming from her mom. Bascially, Batgirl and I think that this is her mom hanging on to the last child to remain under her "control," being that the other two are married. One is now a mother. I questioned out loud why she had to go over there. Of course, hearing her so upset had me concerned, and I wanted to see her anyway and told her to still come by. She agreed to.
I should have just let her call it a night, because her enthusiasm to go through my papers wained quickly. I thought the whole process would come back to me, but after 3 1/2 years, the memory was a bit fuzzy. Her mood soon became rather glum, and I couldn't have been sure if it was my lack of knowledge, the talk with her parents, the amounts of money printed on the papers, or all of the above. Or, maybe it was the fact I was so enthusiastic about helping her do this. She'd technically be doing it...by herself. I think with me appearing to be useless in guiding her through the process, it disappointed her and perhaps she felt she'd be on her own. Not to mention, she had been on the run all afternoon in getting the process going, then went to visit her new niece, and then came the emotional roller coaster caused by her parents disapproval of the news. She was run down.
I didn't know what to say or do. All I could do was tell her I loved her so much, and I would do everything I could to help her through this process--even though last night made it look like I'd do her no good. I told her that, basically, her parents will probably be the only two people who will give her shit for this decision. I reminded her that I'd be behind her, her brother and sister would, their spouses, her friends, and even my parents. Evetually, her parents will come around and not disown her because she wants to be a homeowner. I told her I want her to get this house because she wants it and it will make her happy.
Nevertheless, she was still in a shitty mood as she left my front door, and I could feel the chill. I was at a loss, and a bit confused to boot. Since she wouldn't go into what happened at her parents' earlier, I didn't know what to do or say. I had to just let her be.
I couldn't sleep. I pulled out all the cards she wrote me over these last 9+ months, and saw the same theme repeatedly: how happy I make her; how lucky she feels to have met me; how our relationship has brought different meaning. Then this one really caught my eye: how she enjoyed the unknown about what was going to happen next--how we just "go with it."
This came from a card she gave a couple of weekends ago. I wondered to myself what changed so quickly. Maybe it's her newborn neice? Maybe it's this house? Maybe its her folks? I wish I knew. All I know is, she was on my mind all day, and the future of our relationship is weighing heavily on me. I don't want to let her go. I can't picture my life without her. I really can't. Maybe I have made my mind up about whether or not she is the one, and am just too afraid to admit it.
I wish I knew.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 7:55 PM,
