The Roller Coaster Ride
October 21, 2006
Yeah, I know I don't update like I used to, but why ramble on about nothing when there is nothing good to talk about?
With Atlanta nothing but a distant memory (thank God), I'm gladly going to enjoy the finer things home offers, like beautiful Autumn scenery, cool Halloween events, and decent weather. Batgirl and I are going to spend some quality time together today. A week ago, I wasn't sure about Us, though.
Upon our return from the trip (like, I'm talking within an hour), we sat down at my place and had a long discussion about us. She kind of wanted to know where my mind is at. I thought the talk was heading in the direction of my thoughts on marriage, but it really wasn't about that. It was more about all the running around we've been doing over the previous 4 weekends, and she wanted to know if this is what life with me would be all about. You know, going off at my friends' every beck and call.
As my loyal readers know, my girlfriend isn't blessed with a lot of friends. When she was married in her early 20's, she made the mistake many people who get married at a young afe make: they "outgrow" their single friends. Years later, her marriage crumbled and she was left with nothing but a select-few friends and her family. Years after the divorce, I come along--the guy with 20 best friends around the Northeast. It's a lot to take on.
I understood where she was coming from. She was tired from all the running around we've done since June. Admittedly, so am I. Even though I still can't understand why it's a problem for her guy to have a special place in the heart of a lot of people, I got the picture that we need to spend more time together--alone. Our lives have been nothing but birthday parties, weddings and family functions since we got serious. I can see that the silly arguments with her parents, the running around on my friends' accounts, and the comedy of errors from last weekend had just worn her out. I actually thought we were going to end things during that talk. I got a bit choked up as I realized how much I love her and have trouble picturing my future without her. Thankfully, it didn't come down to that. She broke down herself as the frustration of appeasing her parents vs. her own desires weighed heavily on her. She admitted that for all the bullshit we went through this past weekend, she was sad it was over because now we have to deal with the "sleeping over" issue that her folks aren't cool with.
I'm not sure yet how we'll handle that, but what we did have to handle within 24 hours of that talk was another birthday celebration invite. My good friend, The Attorney, called me Monday night to tell me his parents were hosting a 30th birthday dinner for him on Wednesday, and he was inviting a small group that obviously would include me and Batgirl. I cringed. I debated if I should tell about the invite, or just go on my own. I knew that if I didn't ask her to join, and she found out, there'd be hell to pay because it would look bad for her not being there. On the other hand, I didn't want to deal with the long talk that would ensue as a result of another 30's Guy's Friends-centered activity.
I opted to tell her Tuesday night. What ensued was another long talk. This time though, I became agitated. I wasn't the compassionate guy from the night before. I sounded off about how fucked up it is that it's a problem someone wants to honor one of his best friends. Among other guests was going to be there was Nern, fresh off his passing the bar exam. There was reason to celebrate. I reminded her that when we started dating, I commented often how 2006 would be one big party due to all the friends I have who were turning 30. Just because she didn't think turning 30 was a big deal, doesn't mean friends who like reasons to get together shouldn't celebrate it. I assured her that 2007 would not be like this, and I firmly believe that. It's been exhausting, both physically and financially. I only know of one wedding for next year, as opposed to the five we've had this year, and my sister's 21st is the one big birthday. At first mention, Batgirl had declined to go, but then she changed her mind after hearing me spew my venom. I think she began to see my point, and that prompted the about face.
In the end, we had a great time Wednesday night. I knew that she would enjoy herself because the group would not include Master K's girl. I now see Shep as the Terrell Owens of my friends' significent others: when she is around, I sense tension. When she's not, Batgirl feels welcome and has conversations with the girls without me being around to moderate. Shit, she even gathered some books together to give to Angel, Nerns' wife, and drove them over to the school where she teaches the other day! As a thank you, Angel gave her a bottle of wine on Wednesday. These are the folks that have gotten to know Batgirl, and vice versa, and I hope in time they will do everything they can to make her feel more comfortable. Batgirl even went as far as to say to me she was glad she came to the dinner. I saw her in a better mood than I'd seen her in weeks. It was great to hear the cheer in her voice, to see the smile, and see her openly speak to all who were at the table. She even helped The Attorney's mom clear dishes and clean up in the kitchen.
Relationships are truly not easy--especially the long-term ones, and I know it's a big adjustment to incorporate someone into your life. I acknowledge that as a perennial single guy, I need to start slowing down all this running around and consider more private time to be with my girl, consider what she wants. These aren't her friends, and it will take a very long time before she can ever consider them warm aquaintances. In years past, I've ALWAYS accepted invitations to functions, but that was because I didn't have someone else to consider. Now I do. I'm looking forward to it being just us the remainder of this weekend, and I can sense she is excited about it too.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 10:42 AM,
