Our House?
September 29, 2006
It hasn't been an eventful week, or at least one worth discussing in an open forum. Just not that interesting. Besides still trying to feel my way through work, I've officially been placed on the bench for our inter-office softball game in two weeks. I fielded much better last night at "practice," but the aluminum bat wasn't quite making an impression on my co-workers. Ah well. What can you expect from a guy who hasn't played softball since high school, and played little baseball prior to that? Anyhow, tonight I want to talk about thoughts I've been wrestling with in the last week, and it was brought on by a fellow-blogger's post today.
I'm not sure if a majority of you are familiar with the blog, I Am, Therefore I Date. I've been a long time reader, and it is in fact one of the blogs that inspired me to start my own way back in January 2005. I've followed the adventure of "Roxy" as she's gone through two relationships since I start reading. For most of the last year she's been involved in what looks like a very good relationship, one that began as a long distance romance that eventually evolved into a real relationship. It's been so great that it convinced her to move out of the Big Apple to not only be closer to her man, but actually live WITH him. Today's post was about how the two of them are now considering the option of buying a home. Needless to say, with only a couple of months gone since her move, I couldn't help but be taken aback. This post did, however, compell me to write tonight.
Since the start of this past summer, Batgirl had seriously begun to think about buying her own home. I was extremely in favor of her doing so. Afterall, she's been living in a rent-free apartment above her grandparents in their house for the last couple of years as she saved up. I admit it makes things a bit awkward if I sleep over, and now that they are back from their beach house for the winter, Batgirl has started to think we may need to respect them more than we did prior to the summer. Now, her grandparents love me, but the fact I'm upstairs doing God knows what with their granddaughter still could be a little unsettling. In any event, Batgirl's parents were surprisingly opposed to her getting a house on her own. Among those reasons was me. They believed that by Batgirl buying a house, it may make her come off as too independent, and scare me away. While I like her parents a great deal, I was a bit pissed that they made an assumption about how I'd react, when the reality was I had an opposite reaction.
After weeks of debate, Batgirl changed her mind. She actually got upset because her parents were so unsupportive of her. On the flipside, you had my parents who were happy for her to make such a move. They've actually asked about where she is at in terms of buying a house as recently as this past Sunday. Last night, Batgirl voiced her frustration with the fact she never got support from her dad on the house-buying decision, and it become more and more obvious that she wants to get out of the apartment. So why hasn't she just gone for it? Why not just get a one year lease for an apartment somewhere? My theory: she's holding out hope I approach the topic of marriage, or on a lesser level, moving in together.
In the time I've been a blogger, I've read many sites where the bloggers have met significant others, and in what seems like a blink of an eye, moved in with someone. There Dan over at Life on Plant Dan-E. There's Dating Dummy, who welcomed the woman he met through blogging, Modigli, into his place in San Diego, and now they've got a new apartment to call their own. There is my favorite crtic, Jo, from Letters to Vicki, who moved in with her love interest. There's also Neenee from Faith, Love and a Starfish, who had her man follow her back home to New York from Arizona. Finally, Roxy. These are the handful that come to mind. I'm not criticizing them for moving too fast at all, but as Batgirl and I pass 8 months together, I'm admitting the thoughts of the future with her are flowing fast and furious. I see the time span these people waited before that big step. I look at my own good friend Master K and his girl Shep, and how they moved in together after about 8 months of dating when they both met in Chicago. It kind of makes you think.
I look at how Bat Girl has questioned my decision to do some renovations on the house I currently own and live in with my brother. I haven't ignored some comments about marriage situations she's said, even if it was in jest, as recently as Tuesday night. I feel her increasing impatience with the living situation she has, and sense the discomfort of me sharing a house with other people (at one time we had a friend living in our third bedroom). I recognize the fact her brother got married in July, her married sister is having a daughter next month, and friends of mine are taking the plunge, too. Finally, I'm aware of her age: 33, and desire to have kids. Not to mention, the questions about marriage plans by my own parents.
I know you must be thinking, what has That 30's Guy been thinking? Well, I've been flip-flopping on this topic for a couple of weeks. I love waking up to her all weekend, and going to bed with her at night. On weeknights when we are together, and it's getting late, I could easily fall asleep next to her. I like to cook for her. I like eating our Saturday and Sunday breakfast, just the two of us, reading the newspaper. Of course, the practical side of me recognizes this is just small samples of life together. This isn't the real deal where you have her stuff mixed in with your stuff, shit I want to decorate with don't make the grade in her eyes, and both of you need to work together to pay bills. What about when each of us want private time? Would we take it as being given a cold shoulder, especially if the desire to be alone comes after a few months under the same roof?
No--I am not seriously considering marriage at the present time. I do see this woman as someone who can be a great mother, be welcomed into my family and circle of friends with open arms, and who will be a good partner. Thing is, I still feel too young to make such a decision, and unsure it it's the right one. I like where things are at right now, and I've enjoyed the continuous growth of our relationship as time has passed on. The love I feel for her is great, and is evolving with each experience we share.
To close, let's go back to the post from I Am, Therefore I Date, the one that got me to thinking out loud. Like the readers who commented on her post, I agree Roxy is moving way too fast. Her romance with "Redbeard" has mostly been spent miles apart. Now with the distance decreased significantly, it's almost like the relationship is in the second honeymoon phase. For her sake, I hope she hits the brakes, continues adjusting to her new life, and especially allows the new chapter in her relationship to take its natural course. Buying a house is a major step to take, and is one that involves legal ramifications. If she were to ever break up with her guy, it would make for an extremely messy situation. To anyone thinking of purchasing property with a significant other you're not married to, I say think twice.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 12:07 AM,
