Feeling Like Part Of The Family
September 17, 2006
I had an interesting Saturday afternoon. I spent the day and evening playing golf and just hanging out with Batgirl's dad and brother. The idea cam about months ago when Mr. Batgirl learned I was a golfing-enthusiast like him. For months we talked about getting together for a round, and finally, last weekend when Batgirl and I took her parents out for his birthday, we set the date.
I played like shit, but I felt great about the experience. He watched some of the things I did wrong and gave suggestions, even at one point giving me permission to tell him to be quiet and let me play. I appreciated his instruction and encouraged him to keep up the coaching. I even had a few pats on the back when we reminisced about how I lost three balls on hole shortly after he observed we hadn't lost the balls we started with. Between the three of us, we had quite a few laughs out on the course.
We concluded the night going to a popular bar close to where I work, and we shared plates of wings, quesedillas, and a few pints of beer. I really felt like I was part of the family. I never felt uncomfortable, even though this was the first time I spent any amount of time with members of Batgirl's family without her within earshot. I guess after nearly 8 months in a relationship, you eventually begin creeping into other areas of your girlfriend's life.
Speaking of that, Batgirl has seemed to start coming around on her feelings about being involved in so many group functions with my friends. Starting next weekend, we'll have three consecutive weekends that involved us travelling to other states for a wedding (next week), a surprise birthday party (in two weeks), and the biggest test--my pal Master K's 30th birthday party. I'm most concerned about that evening because of her negative feelings for his girlfriend, Shep. In fact, after this weekend, K will be two steps closer to proposing to her.
Friday, my longtime friend called to let me know that he had wired money to a friend in our home state to put the design of the ring in motion. Today, during a round of golf with her dad, he will ask for his blessing. As far as when he'll do it, I'm thinking it will be some time around Christmas. He is toying with the idea of booking a trip to some tropical destination and doing it there. While I have my own reservatin about this woman and her intentions, I do know that for the last 2 years he has felt this way about her. He was talking about marriage several months after they met and had moved in together. At the time, she was not ready, being only 23 years old. Even as recent as this past Spring, before she got a new job and they bought their condo, she was homesick from Chicago and wanted them to move back. He told me her attitude about staying in New Egnland has improved, and he is now satisfied with where her mind is and where their lives are. It is time.
This lead me to start thinking about my own relationship. Twice in the last two weeks, both of my parents have asked me if there are any wedding bells in our future. It surprised me to hear that from my father, especially, so it made me wonder if there's something they see in us. Also, Batgirl has made some comments that make me think she is getting closer to the bigger question of, where do you see us headed? She is 33, and wants to have a family. I know this based on conversations we've had. I'm 30, and I too know I want to have kids. She's made me very happy, minus the bumps in the road we've had in regards to adjusting to the other's lifestyle (more so her adjusting to mine, as you know). I love waking up to her, and I still get excited about seeing her after rough days at work.
Still, I look at the big picture and that is we are not even 8 months into this relationship. Choosing to marry someone is a HUGE, life-altering decision that I think some people seem to rush into. I look at Nern, and I know he's made the right decision to marry Angel (it took them several years to do it). I look at my other friend Ren, and I see that after 10 years together (5 married), he's met his One. Then I have my pal Frank, who married about 3 years ago, and while he doesn't admit it, seems miserable. Then again, we knew this was a mistake for him as a result of shit his wife was pulling in the weeks leading up to their wedding. When I look at Batgirl and me, I'm not 100% sure she is The One because there are the lingering issues of her insecurities, and my questions about her ability to open her arms to most of the important people in my life. As for me, I like time for myself. I love watching football all day on Sunday, taking an hour of my night to play a video game, typing a blog, and going away to see my friends who lives many miles away. I'm not sure my priorities are to have a family yet.
There is hope that's lead me to believe we have a long future together ahead of us. In the last two weeks, Nern and Angel have invited us to do quite a few things, a sure sign that they genuinely like Batgirl. We had a fun evening together at their place for dinner on Labor Day, and I think Batgirl sees the point I've been trying to make about my friends' desire to get to know her. She has poo-poo'd any opportunity to sit out the events over the next three weekends, even though I told her I was cool with her staying back here. He response has been, with a smile, "What? You don't want me to come?" In fact, when I informed her that we'd been invited up to Master K's 30th birthday party, she didn't make a face and say, I can't be there.
I really believe her postitive change in attitude correlates with her return to work. Things seems to be like there were before last June. She now has less down-time than was the case this past summer. For example, this morning she volunteered to work at a festival at a local church. I am happy to see her go back to doing something she did before we met. I've had a few Saturdays in the last month were she's been cool with me playing golf with some of my boys because she's got her own thing to do. Then, this afternoon we will be driving out to Nern's beach house to spend the rest of our day (yes--I'm allow myself to leave the couch despite there being some great football on TV). Things feel great again.
Yup. Hitting 30 may not have changed me physically, but like a light switch, the thought-process suddenly is changing. While the considerations aren't serious, they have come to the move to the surface.
posted by That 30's Guy @ 11:29 AM,
